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Of course I talk to myself. I need to have an intelligent conversation every now and then.
From this point on, all postings of pictures of waffles will be considered a personal invitation.
If I could only use one word to describe myself, it would probably be: "not good at following directions".
At any given time, my wallet is worth more than it’s contents.
"I`m not drunk" - Biggest Friday Night Lie.
Is anyone going to tell America`s funniest videos about YouTube?
She texted me: "your adorable." I replied: "no, YOU`RE adorable." Now she likes me, but all I did was point out her typo.
Current relationship status: Leaving pizza and beer in the bushes, to lure in stalkers.
I’m posing nude for an art class this evening. Nobody asked me to. I think they’re making ceramic bowls.
So people buy cookie dough and bake it?.... What the hell?
I just got this sudden urge to do something productive. Wait nope, false alarm.
First thing I do when I realize I’m lost…turn the radio down.
No thanks, NASCAR. If I wanted to spend 8 hrs watching a car drive around in a big circle, I`d go on a road trip with my mom.
Dear autocorrect: at no point have I ever meant “ducking.”
You can’t run from your problems forever. Eventually, you’ll have to take a car or a plane to really avoid them.