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I can not be held responsible for what my face does when you talk.
All I`m saying is if guys were meant to make them, they`d be call sandWIZARDS.
These ramen noodles taste like payday is next Friday.
Never trust anyone who says “Im not supposed to tell anyone but”
I´ve always wondered if film directors wake up screaming "CUT! CUT! CUUUUUT!" when they have nightmares.
You know you`re getting old when you`re looking forward to some time off so you can have like three doctors appointments.
Your just jealous because u don`t hear the voices.
If you haven`t used your fingers to "expand" a picture in a Magazine today, well then you`re not me.
I regret buying that straight jacket now. I thought it would look good on me but I just couldn`t pull it off...
Its sad that we live in a world that puts words into the dictionary if enough stupid people use it.
I consider each one of my friends a gift. Now if only I could remember where I put some of those receipts.
My nickname at work is "HR wants to see you"
I love you Mario, but you need to stop taking shrooms, breaking into haunted houses, and killing turtles! You have a dinosaur to take care of.
They`re having a Jamaican hair-do day tomorrow at work. I`m dreading it.
If banks were as fiercely regulated as McDonalds breakfast cut off time, there’d be no problems.