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Our parents always taught us NOT to write on walls... Facebook teaches us differently
The Great Wall of China has brought more foreigners than it has kept out.
Writing "Omg you guys are still friends after what she said about you???" on every group photo of girls I see on Instagram
I used to wonder what it was like to read people’s minds. Then I got a Facebook account and I got over it.
Just once would I like to see the "Phone a Friend" lifeline on Millionaire go straight to voicemail.
May the bridges I burn light the path in front of me...
You can make up any word you want in conversation and if you use it in a dilsationary way, people rarely question the meaning.
I don`t mind being wrong, as long as nobody knows.
Threw my back out today reaching for the shampoo in the shower. But I`ll be telling everyone it`s from having sex while skydiving.
I just broke a light bulb. Damn, is that 7 years of bad ideas.
A woman saying "I`m not mad at you" is like a dentist saying "You won`t feel a thing."
If you’re that person that makes microwave popcorn at work, nobody likes you.
Crossfit is the healthiest way to get rid of your friends.
Celery is 95% water and 100% not pizza.
I licked some of the frosting, but then I just ate the whole cake. No evidence. Problem solved.