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After dinner I like to sit in the garden in my underwear and smoke a cigarette.....but apparently that`s not done at this hotel....
I never care whether or not my glass is half full or half empty... cause I drink straight from the bottle!
See no evil, hear no evil, date no evil.
Not having any friends means I`m always the pretty one.
Go to China on honeymoon. Get intimate with Husband. Tell child that they were "Made in China."
Woke up to gun shots this morning. Luckily my wife has horrible aim.
Stand for what you believe in. Or sit on the couch and have a couple of donuts. It`s a free country really.
How do American chickens cross the road? In a bucket.
Scent is the sense most tied to memory. "Common" is the sense least tied to people.
My box of Animal Crackers said, "WARNING: Do Not Eat if Seal is Broken." I open the box, and sure enough...
Keep it up and I`ll make sure u end up on a milk carton.
Whoever said “There is nothing as precious as a child’s laughter” obviously never fell down a flight of stairs in front of his kids.
So apparently, all you can eat buffets do not include the waitresses...
I thought we had nothing in common until I saw you buying 3 margaritas at a time.
Every store should have one line for people who have their sh!t together.