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Whoever said money can’t buy happiness didn’t know where to shop and where to spend it
It’s not a great nap, unless you wake up and can’t remember what day it is.
I`m so broke that I can`t even pay attention!
Do u ever have the urge to tell someone to shut up even when they arent talking?
Homeless people should make more creative signs like "I bet you can`t hit me with a quarter...b!tch!"
I`m so ghetto.... I had lights and water bill in my name before the age of 3..
Don’t ask me again” is my favorite computer button that I wish was also a real life button.
So I met an Egyptian, they walk just like us.
Conspiracy theorists are all so dumb that I suspect they`ve been planted by a secret organization to distract us from what`s really going on
AT this stage in my life an ALL NIGHTER JUST means I didn`t have to get up and pee....
I`m not opposed to manscaping, but I don`t see the point of cutting the grass until somebody takes interest in the property.
I have the means to do anything that I want on my day off from work which means that I dont want to do anything on my day off from work.
I can paint the house and buy new furniture and my kids won`t notice, but, buy a new phone case...
I hate it when I open my fridge and get punched by a bear... =/
Highways need 4 lanes per side - A NASCAR wannabe lane, a normal driver lane, an old people who drive 40 in a 70 lane & a "where in the hell am I?" lane.