Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
The problem with frozen yogurt is that it`s not ice cream.
Did you ever notice that the doctor’s bill is always a lot more readable than the doctor’s prescription?
Cranked the treadmill up to MAX for 15 minutes. When I finally took a break my roller skates were hot to the touch.
My wife and I decided to make our own sex tape. She was pissed off when I started holding auditions for her part.
Of course everyone seems sexy in a nightclub. There`s liquor and you can`t hear them.
I really shouldn`t have driven home from the bar last night. Especially since I walked there.
The problem with the general public is that it`s made of people.
If you had to choose between your girlfriend or GTA 5 which character would you play as first?
Whoever said technology will replace paper has obviously never tried to wipe their butt with an I-pad
I bought a huge plastic Christmas tree today! the shop assistant asked me if I was going to put it up myself? I told him "Don`t be stupid, i`m gonna put it in the lounge room"
I just spent ten minutes waving back to a guy in a storefront window before I realized he was just cleaning the glass.
The phrase "use of the jerk-off motion is prohibited" has been added to our HR manual because of me. It`s like winning an award.
I saw a man at the beach screaming, "Help, shark, help!" I laughed because I knew the shark wasn`t going to help him.
A friend of mine told me i have to update my self and I asked my self : does he mean there can be a latest version of me?
You had me at Rice Krispies Treats