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Still not 100% clear on whether French Montana is a person or a steakhouse special.
If you ever Google "Grandfather Clock", be careful how you spell that sh!t.
I bring my kids to a romantic restaurant on Valentine`s day as a birth control reminder to the other couples.
A gun is like a coupon that works anywhere.
Don`t rush me. I`m waiting for the last minute.
Only thing harder than quitting cold turkey is quitting warm ham. It`s delicious.
Whoever is bringing me the 3 dozen donuts each morning, thank you. But could you just leave them on my desk and not in the break room?
If at first you don´t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
I used to have a life. Then some idiot came along and said "Why don’t you make a Facebook account? It`s fun".
She looks like the kind of girl that brings a suitcase on the first date.
It`s a good idea to test your immune system from time to time by eating a gas station hot dog
When you wear cowboy clothes, are you ranch dressing?
I am better off now than I was 4 beers ago...
Exactly when in American history did Americans stop having British accents?
I went shopping for some camouflage trousers earlier. Couldn’t find a pair anywhere.