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Looking for one night stand! Probably need two! I have a lot of books
Aging is inevitable, Maturing is optional.
Dear Santa, I would like a thin body and a fat bank account. Don’t mix it up this year!
Sometimes I think, "Screw this, I will just be a stripper." Then I remember I am fat and I can`t dance.
Sneaking alcohol into work is pretty easy if you put it in your stomach first.
My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We`ll see about that.
I´m a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I am perfect!
No heel is too high when pointed up at the ceiling.
I bought a huge plastic Christmas tree today! the shop assistant asked me if I was going to put it up myself? I told him "Don`t be stupid, i`m gonna put it in the lounge room"
The fact that Google autocompletes all of my questions just reaffirms how unoriginal all my problems are.
Last night I was walking the sexiest girl ever home until she turned around and saw me.
When I`m cleaning my room, 1% cleaning 29% moaning 70% playing with stuff I just found.
I doubt my inferiority complex is as good as everyone else`s
I think the saying "every man for himself" was made up by women tired of making sandwiches.
Moral compass? Is there an app for that?