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Summer vacation: Where you drink triple, see double and act single.
Since there’s only one of me, does that make me an endangered species?
That moment when you offer somebody a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she`s not your friend anymore
Some of the best decisions I`ve ever made involved me clicking cancel instead of send
When buying a flat screen tv, always remember to put the box in your neighbor`s trash so you don`t get robbed.
When I`m bored I like to call in sick to places I don`t work for. I`m getting written up at Kohls.
I don`t know why I ever signed up for Facebook. I mean like seriously, this dating website sucks!
me + you = overpopulation... :) :p
Look for my new diet book: "How To Work Out And Watch What You Eat And Still Gain Plenty Of Weight"
My entire existence is just me sitting around waiting to get hungry again.
Offering a hobo $5 from across the street is my version of Frogger.
I`m saving all my good posts for when I can think of some.
I wonder if pet products are tested on humans?
People says nothing is imposible.. But i do nothing everyday!!
Given enough coffee, I believe I could rule the world.