Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I just attempted to wash a paper plate if you wonder how much money I have available.
Never judge a whiskey by its drinker.
why hello there stalker! Enjoying my profile?(=
Why are kids obese? Maybe because Burgers are $.99, & Salads are $4.99.
That awkward moment when you gently toss your phone on the bed and it bounces off 3 walls, breaks 2 lamps and kills a cat...
If you rearrange the letters of "postmen" they get really pissed off.
I bought a Tempurpedic mattress so that I’ll have an excuse to go to sleep with a giant glass of wine every night.
I told my girlfriend I`m Harry Potter`s Godfather... She laughed hard and said "you can`t be Sirius"
Boobs are like friends. Some are big. Some are small. Some are real. Some are fake. And some are just so fantastic you want everyone to meet them.
One time I was in a bar and there was this really weird guy pouring booze all over his hand. Turned out he was trying to get his date drunk
I`ll never forget the first time I saw a dry erase board, "Wow" I thought, "that`s remarkable"
Oh, you fell in love?! I fell in my bathtub.
Why can’t we all just get a Long Island Iced Tea?
Nothing makes me more nervous than getting FB msg saying, “You’ve been tagged in a photo” after a crazy weekend.
I eat my corn on the cob like an old-school typewriter. This is how the 80`s cartoons taught me to do it as a kid.