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Do you really know me or am I just an idea that you`ve built in your head?
Somewhere, a smart Lasik surgeon has an office full of brochures that are all slightly out of focus.
Its all fun and games until you realize your Capri Sun has no straw.
If I’ve offended you, please accept my apology. Then smack yourself in the face for getting offended by something on the Internet.
I`m not Unemployed, I`m just taking my next job`s vacation in advance...
You guys are even more beautiful now that I`m wearing my "wine glasses".
Who do you have to sleep with around here to sleep with someone around here?!
Standing up: Wow, I`m actually kind of skinny. Sitting down: Okay, maybe not..
The term "bath toys" has a whole new meaning when you`re an adult
I have this talent of getting tired without doing nothing.
If you’re a size 0 we shouldn’t be able to see you.
If you ain`t laughin, you ain`t livin!
One time at the beach this guy was swimming in the ocean yelling, "help! shark! help! " I just laughed, I knew that shark was not going to help him.
Didn`t leave home today. It was too peopley out there.
Him: What to play Trivial Pursuit? Her: Sure, But I,m not that smart. Him: What to play strip Trivial Pursuit?