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Turtles do nothing and are slow as hell, yet they live for like 200 years. I`ll probably live forever.
Match dot com, but for socks.
More often than not, the excitement of a Facebook friend request dies upon discovering who it is.
People say love is the best feeling ever. However I think finding a toilet right away when you have diarrhea is better.
If I didn`t procrastinate, I probably wouldn`t do anything at all.
Why doesn’t McDonalds have an order taking microphone on both sides of the car, yet?
Anybody know where the cheapest place to buy 12 red roses is?.....just asking for a friend.
Cheers, to judging people who spell words wrong in their statuses.
Sometimes I just wish people were as easy to forget as PIN numbers.
Cop: Are you on drugs? Me: Why would I sit on drugs? Cop: Have you taken any? Me: Taken them where? Cop: I meant used drugs Me: I prefer new
Irresponsible is when your neighbor doesn`t pay their wifi bill.
Sometimes I just bang my head on the keyboard and hope words form.
When I was a kid “The Server Is Down” meant your waiter was depressed.
Starting a sentence with “If you ask me” almost always indicates that no one asked you.
Stop undressing me with your eyes!...Use your teeth!