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is 100% sure that you are looking at my status. (:
I have a condition that prevents me from going on a diet ... I get hungry.
They say the camera adds 10lbs. Stop eating cameras!
I bought a blowup doll today, but I won`t blow her up until tomorrow. I don`t want to seem desperate.
I hate waking up all hungover, eyebrow shaved, and a d!ck drawn on my face ... Especially since I was drinking alone last night.
My goal in life is to have a psychiatric disorder named after me.
To-Do List: Nothing [?]
I heard Disney bought and are relocating the White House to Disneyland. They Say, it will be the new Center Piece of FANTASY LAND.
Is somebody not editing what I´m saying here???
Every day can be Friday if you`re really irresponsible.
People who don’t like pizza are people you don’t need in your life.
If you didn`t want to be hit with a shovel then you never should have started telling me about your problems.
Sometimes there just aren’t enough curse words.
Wife fell asleep on the couch so I drew a spider on her glasses with dry erase marker. And now we wait...
I`m good at counting cards. I keep ending up with 52.