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People should mute themselves on conference calls when they are crossing a battlefield and killing enemies to get to the next level.
Life is full of disappointments, I`ll just add you to the list.
Let`s go to my place and do the things I`ll tell everyone we did anyway.
Maybe Voldemort`s face is flat because he ran into the wrong wall at the train station.
Nothing says "high-functioning alcoholic" like being really good at darts.
You`ve got to love yourself. But not in public places.
I’ve always wanted to climb Mt. Everest…just not more than I don’t want to.
Going to a bar where "everybody knows your name" sounds terrifying.
A jealous woman does better research than the FBI.
Relationship status: Just got screamed at for peeling the carrots wrong.
If you didn`t want me looking in your bedroom than you never should have put your window at the same height as my ladder.
Show some cleavage on bad hair days.
You have 600 friends on Facebook but you have to take your own picture of yourself for your profile photo.
Be safety conscious. 80% of people are caused by accidents.
Ok ... I just had a talk with myself, and it did not go well. Now I`m grounded.