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While everyone may not speak the same language, we all know what time McDonald`s stops serving breakfast.
My internet addiction is getting alt of ctl.
You can`t fix stupid but you can divorce it
That awkward moment when you try to zoom in on Instagram and remember that you’re an idiot.
I think it`s safe to assume that people buying stock in twitter have never actually been on twitter.
My life is a lot like Ikea furniture with missing instructions. I’ll get it together eventually but it won’t ever feel quite right.
What does lolz mean...Laugh out loud zebras?
So she asked me "Do these pants make my butt look big?" And I said, "Not at all dear .. its the fat that does that." So now I´m single again.
There`s a sense of great satisfaction when I`m the tie breaker between `Funny` and `Not Funny` status updates.
Life is what you make it = 10% Shit happens = 90%
Which emoticon indicates the desire to cover someone with fire ants?
That awkward moment when your parents don’t appreciate the hilarious child they have.
If you like to make love while listening to music, always choose a live album. ..That way you`ll get an applause every 3 to 4 minutes. :)
"Hello 911?" "Someone just stole my status on Facebook... yes, I`ll hold."
Ugh, stalkers are horrible. You`d think someone could`ve let me know I was out of toilet paper.