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What do you call a woman with big breasts who doesn`t make sandwiches? A compromise.
I`m not upset because it`s Monday, I`m upset because I have to wear pants
I like it like that
They say women only use 10% of their anger
Whenever you`re feeling really bad about yourself just remember, there`s people that pay money to exercise.
I got so drunk last night I tried picking up every woman in the bar and now my back is killing me!
I wish I could select all my responsibilities and press delete.
What are the strongest days of the week? Saturday and Sunday. The rest are weekdays.
Come to think of it, I’ve never seen a taxi fill up at a gas station
Some people are just pure evil...I should know because I`m one of them.
Adding "and sh!t" at the end of a sentence can make anything sound thug. Example: I was playing with my bubbles and sh!t.
Do angry people know about naps?
No need to blind fold me, just hand me my phone and drive, I won`t have a clue how to get back here
Relationship has 12 letters, but then again so does alcohollllll