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You make me want to be a better class of psycho.
A lot of you lose your sh!t and have some pretty epic, public meltdowns. I just wanted to say thanks.
I don’t understand how my house gets so messy when I literally sit in one spot with my phone all day.
The first rule of Right Club is that your wife is the only member of Right Club
Most people don`t think I`m as old as I am until they hear me stand up.
Suggested movie theater prices: Adults - $9.00, Under 12 - $ 6.00, Under 3 - $249.00
I hate it when a dog starts barking and then every other dog nearby retweets him.
Installing home security cameras seemed like a great idea but explaining my dance offs with the dog was something I should`ve considered.
My wife said if this gets 100 likes, we`ll try butt stuff........ * Please DON`T like,,, her strap-on is big and scary.....
I`d like to change and get comfy, yet that requires effort. Ever feel this lazy?
I never mix business with pleasure, ......unless i call an escort.
Don`t expect me not to hopscotch all over your house if you have fancy tiles.
Understanding women number 476,395: Women like to talk about their feelings.
The differance between flirting and sexual harrassment ... If you`re attrative, it`s flirting.
Reasons I check my voicemail: 1% to hear the message. 99% to get rid of that annoying icon.