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I may not look good naked, but I`m a beautiful person on the insi.... Hahahaha just kidding I look great naked
My dad said if I don`t get of facebook in 3 seconds he would jab my face into the keyboahajsirksjapquebxm
Given enough coffee, I could rule the world.
It`s really quite simple ... I do what I want! ... The End.
Feeling stressed out? Make a nice cup of hot tea and then spill it in the lap of whoever`s bugging you.
My dog can`t hear me yelling at him to stop chasing squirrels, but he can hear a damn cheese wrapper from 500 miles away
Pro Tip: If you are under the age of 35, don`t get married. If you are over 35, don`t get married. If you are 35, don`t get married.
I just threw a piece of food on the floor of my cubicle. Totally forgot my dog doesn`t work here.
The object of golf is to play the least amount of golf.
I carry a permanent marker just in case someone without a mustache falls asleep.
It`s a lot easier to chuck a co-worker in the dumpster than it is to listen to his problems.
What do 95% of men do after an orgasm? Delete their browser history.
Saw A bumper sticker that said "Fat People Are Harder To Kidnap" not sure if he was a proud fat man or a disgruntled kidnapper though.
Today’s forecast.. mostly cloudy with a 99.9% chance of alcohol
I automatically assume you`re fat if your Facebook picture is a car