Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Life was much simpler when we could play a friendly game of Red Rover and just clothesline the people we didn’t like.
One day when I was at the beach there was a guy in the ocean yelling, "Shark! Help!" And I just laughed. I knew that shark wasn`t going to help him.
Saying an actors performance was unbelievable is actually an insult.
Anyone want to come over and watch porn on my new flat screen mirrior?
there`s only 2 things in life you have control in changing that is your attitude and a kids diaper.. which at times both can be the equivalent of the other..
I put the "fun" in "functioning alcoholic"
If a woman is talking to me about her problems, I better be the cause of them.
I once wrestled an anaconda for 4 straight hours... Then I realized I was just masturbating.
Just once I want someone to make a movie that’s sideways on the screen so I can watch it laying down without getting a kink in my neck.
The most exercise I get from my exercise ball is when I move it around in my apartment so that it`s not in my way.
Does Holy Crap comes from Holy Cow.?
Do you have neighbors?.. Do you have extension cords?..... Are you paying too much for electricity?
My haters only have one advantage over me. They can kiss my a$$, I can`t.
I hate when reality happens outside of my head.
I need to tell you something. I know it is going to break your heart and maybe you will not talk to me after the bad news. But I want you to hear it from me first instead of hearing it from someone else. This is going to make you cry I know. I first thought I must just keep quiet about it but I know it will not be fair on you. I am so ashamed to have to do this but you need to know the truth. Don`t be mad at me please. I will understand if you never want to hear from me ever again but it m