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Telling a girl to calm down is like trying to baptize a cat.
Pro tip: Don`t moan when getting a pat down at airport security
I am not looking for a one night stand, 2 hours will be plenty enough.
I see you liked my status... I accept your invitation for sex.
I laughed more at the Broncos offense then I did at the commercials.
A normal person is just someone you don`t know well enough yet.
Carfax but for people
There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
People are way less judgmental when you say you had an "avocado salad" instead of saying you ate a bowl of guacamole.
I know its true love when I like you even when I`m sober.
I just want to be famous enough to have a Wikipedia page full of misinformation about me.
If you`re confident enough, every zoo is a petting zoo.
Relationships are not a test... So why cheat?
The awkward moment when you type HO instead of HI.
Hysterical Shrieking should be reserved for truly serious situations such as Centipedes, Spiders, and that Creepy Uncle that likes to give everyone back rubs.....