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What`s a burnt pizza, frozen beer & a pregnant girl have in common? There was a DUMBASS who didn`t take it out in time.
The cashier at the dollar store told me to have a good day. Like my purchase of shelf liner suggested any other plan.
Son: "Dad, can you write in the dark?" Dad: "Uh, I think so, why?" Son: "I need you to sign my report card."
Remember that there’s always someone cooler, smarter, stronger or sexier than you. That would be me.
Is it "I febreezed my crotch" or "I febroze my crotch"?
The longest 10 seconds of my day is when I have to hold down the button on an electronic thing to turn it off
Bipolar smile :(: ...... Gets um everytime !
justin bieber
Went for a mile run today. Stupid Ice Cream Man just kept driving even though I was waving my money in the air!
Here’s the thing about work: I really don’t feel like doing any.
lord, we beg you for tupac, and in return you can have justin bieber
A gay man is just one colonoscopy away from foreplay
The best part about being a pathological liar is flying my helicopter to my private island.
So people buy cookie dough and bake it?.... What the hell?
I’m on a forgotten-name basis with quite a lot of people.