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I know I`m in trouble when the voice in my head starts using my middle name
"Lazy" is a strong word. I prefer to call it selective participation.
I dont know about you guys, but I am amazed Pringles is able to constantly grow the same shaped potato. Science.
If you’ve never pretended a Cheeto is a tiny caveman club, we can’t be friends.
Why is the guy who serves you at the restaurant called a waiter, when it is you that is waiting?
Tarantulas make great pets because when they die, rather than grieving you’ll feel an almost overwhelming sense of relief.
I solve all my problems by creating three new ones as distractions.
After 6 years, is it still all Bush`s fault or has it been reduced to "Unfortunate circumstances under no one`s control"?..............
Knock knock... whos there? Cows go... Cows go who, No, cows go moo
People who eat grapes are impatient alcoholics
Cubs fans, you need to wait 107 more years. But don`t worry, 2124 will be here before you know it!
insert coin to view my status
You can only push me so far before I breakdance.
Saw A bumper sticker that said "Fat People Are Harder To Kidnap" not sure if he was a proud fat man or a disgruntled kidnapper though.
Can I get likes for no reason?