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Apparently when you donate blood, it has to be "YOUR" blood.
Hey dude who flipped me off in the Subway parking lot for honking at you, you left your dinner on top of your car.
I need coffee in my life more than I need most people.
CAN I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION PLEASE: Oh... I have nothing to say, I just crave the spotlight.
Just heard a guy at the dog park tell his dog "NO!" and then more quietly, "We talked about this!"
exactly how long is a cotton picking minute.
My walk of shame is when I have to take all the the empty Taco Bell bags out of my car and bring them to the garbage can.
If tit for tat doesn`t mean flashing guys with tattoos, than I`ve been doing it wrong this whole time.
I don’t love being single but I do love being happy.
I don`t care what the expiration date says, I have to smell it
Just blew the sugar off my donut… Dieting is hard!
Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.
Guys, freedom of speech doesn`t mean you can spell things any way you want to.
So apparently putting Alkaseltzer in my pocket while I`m getting baptized and pretending I`m the devil is not funny.
"Be yourself" is about the worst advice you can give some people.