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Why is it that people who drink energy drinks seem like the people with the least amount of stuff going on?
Apparently there`s enough room in my mouth to put more than one foot.
At the end of the day, life should ask us, ‘Do you want to save the changes?’
My imaginary friend is bullying me.
When I was a kid and was going to "get it" that was bad. Now I`m an adult and I`m going to "get it" :)
Show me, on this cat calendar, how long it`s been since you`ve had a date?
They should paint the bottom of swimming pools with satellite photos so it feels like you’re flying.
The police never think its as funny as you do.
props to the parent at the mall that walked up afterward to ask santa what his kid wanted lol
A fun thing to do when leaving the Zoo, is too start frantically running and yelling "OMG they`ve all escaped!"
Given how enormous the universe is, I assume there’s an alien out there who does a mocking impression of me. Screw you, alien.
My business card is just a picture of me looking inside the fridge.
Sometimes the problem with reality is the lack of background music.
Self checkout must have been invented by a guy who had to buy tampons.
There should be a mercy rule for how many pics a girl can upload from her vacation.