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Hendrix didn`t need to twerk on stage. He performed the old fashioned way, relying only on his musical talents and near lethal doses of LSD.
some people just need a high-five......in the face......with a chair!
My interventions would be so much more effective if every single reason I drink wasn`t there
I don´t like people who can´t make fun of themselves. It means more work for me.
Attention burglars: We may or may not be home. Or maybe we are hunters, waiting for you to get closer for a kill shot
We may be an advanced nation but we still have to remind employees to wash their hands when they pee.
To the woman that won the powerball ... "what`s up baby"
I don`t remember anything that happened, but I may have had a drink or two...
I can’t believe it’s 2012 and there is still no fold button on my dryer.
The best sign of a healthy relationship is no sign of it on Facebook.
I saw a sign that said "watch for children" and I thought "that`s a fair trade."
I get as much action as a white crayon.
If buying new underwear is evidence of an affair, my husband has been faithful for at least nine years.
How long are Winnie the Pooh and Tigger going to ignore the fact there`s something seriously wrong with Eeyore
I dont run from my problems, I chase them ... with alcohol