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Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband.
You know what’s funnier than watching someone trip and fall? Absolutely nothing!
"Please don`t put a million dumb photos of me on your Facebook... it just annoys your friends" - Every baby
Ahhhh, bad credit…the best identity theft protection.
Is it just me, or do mirrors look really sexy?
If cats had wings, they would still just lay there.
I wonder if the clouds ever look down on us and say "Hey look! ...that one`s shaped like an idiot!"?
I wish my personality allowed me to write deep and meaningful statuses sometimes, oh well. Titties!
The secret to success is sincerity. Once you can fake it then you`ve got it made!
My life is about as organized as the $5 DVD bin at Walmart.
Have you ever held your money and thought "I hope this hasn´t been up a stripper´s butt"
How strange, some guy just waved half of a peace sign at me...
A police officer came up to me yesterday and asked , "Where were you between four and six?" I said, "kindergarten".
Between the coffee and the cocaine, it looks like the mission of Colombia is to wake up the world.
Remember before you give the finger from the safety of your car, not everyone has a schedule to keep.