Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If it weren’t for law enforcement and physics, I would be unstoppable.
That person who waits to the last minute to change lanes and expects you to make room. NOT ON MY WATCH!
I wasn`t planning on going for a run today, but those cops came out of nowhere.
When I arrive at work, how long can I spend screaming in my car before it becomes weird?
Good thing all the `Five and Ten` stores closed... They were nickle and diming us to death.
You know your old when your back goes out more than you do.
My bucket list: 4 drumsticks, 2 thighs, 2 mashed potatoes with gravy, and 2 biscuits. Extra crispy.
Sneezing is like using sonar to find polite people.
You think seven years is bad for breaking a mirror? Try breaking a condom.
What I lack in good decisions, I make up for in inappropriate behavior.
"Truth or dare" should be renamed to "Interrogation or Humiliation"
You might call it ‘whipped.’ I call it `guy who’s getting laid.’
It makes me sad that the closest I`ll ever get to `hulking out` is splitting my trousers when I bend over.
The girlfriend told me to go out and get something that makes her look sexy.. so I went out and got drunk.
The first person to see a sunset was probably like well this ain`t good.