Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Don`t do anything you`re not prepared to explain to a paramedic...
I clean my house like everyone else ... 5 minutes before someone comes over.
Oops! I hate when I pour myself a drink and then have 12 more by accident.
I thought white noise was the sound of people complaining at Starbucks.
That Awkward Moment when you Greet you Brother on some random website. Brett to Daniel. sup Lerch!
A night of insomnia is usually followed by a morning of browser history clearing
The proper way to use a stress ball is to throw it at the last person to piss you off
The bed is always the comfiest right at the time you are supposed to be getting out of it
I honestly have a fear that one day I`ll leave my house and not be wearing any pants!
I used to date a magazine editor. But, I broke up with her because she just had too many issues. No YOU shut up!
If opposites truly attract, the correct life strategy is to be a complete loser.
I don`t have any skeletons in my closet because I bury my victims in the backyard!
Not one person has been eaten by sharks yet this week. Probably the worst Shark Week ever.
Won’t go back in my bathroom until spider is gone! Web search for “spider life span” reveals I will be able to shower again in 1 to 2 years.
Doing something weird and thinking “this is why I’m single”.