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People like you are the reason why the middle finger was invented
Imagine how frustrating it would be if Tic-Tacs were individually wrapped
All bad decisions are ultimately made using the same piece of resounding logic: “Screw it.”
Something I never said as a kid: My book stopped working.
Don`t get me started Bitches, I don`t come with brakes.
Capitalization can really change a sentence. Example: I love to eat candy ... I love to eat capitalization.
It only takes a second to show someone how you feel. The police call it “Indecent Exposure” but whatever.
For just 3 cents a day, all of my followers can help me quit my job...
For my next trick, I’ll turn this 12 pack of beer into drunk dialing/texting.
Have you ever wondered if Dora is smuggling drugs in her backpack?
Okay restaurants. Enough with the clever bathroom signs. A simple M and F will do. Sincerely, drunk people.
Sometimes people don`t notice or appreciate the things we do for them, until we stop doing it. They are like, “Why don’t you stalk me anymore”
Never change. Unless you’re an a$$hole. Then you should probably change a little.
I don`t have a problem with caffeine. I have a problem without it.
A homeless man told me he hadn`t had a bite in weeks, so I bit him.