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If you listen real closely, you can hear my alarm clock laughing as I set it.
To all those who received a book from me as a Christmas present....They are due back at the library today.
Look at the keyboard. It has `U` and `I` together. Look underneath that. It says `JK`.
Sometimes I like to hold the door for people who are far away so they feel obligated to run just a little. ;)
I don`t like people who can`t make fun of themselves. It means more work for me.
Whats the definition of a tree? Something that stands still for forty years then suddenly jumps out in front of a woman driver.
I have an alcohol problem, in that I can`t afford any.
I`m concerned my kids will end up in therapy because I didn`t tell everyone on FB how much I love them.
Who ever said, "The customer is always right", clearly never worked with the public a day in their life.
Why is it that people who can eat really spicy food think the rest of us give a sh!t?
Jehovah`s witnesses would probably be welcomed into more houses if they brought booze or cookies.
I`m no expert, but I would guess the internet really affected encyclopedia sales.
Another successful year no random father`s day cards in the mail!
I wish people would stop judging me before they find out how much of an a$$hole I actually am.
Dieting Tip, 1. Make a list of people who have a problem with your weight, 2. Cut them out of your life. 3. Enjoy having lost Hundreds of pounds of Idiots.