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Long story short, I love summaries.
Is it polite or rude to slide a note into the bathroom stall next to you that says, "heard you farting but it`s ok you`re in the right place :)"
Me: spends 12 hours comparing teams before completing NCAA bracket, loses $50. GF: Spends 5 minutes picking teams with "cute" mascot names, wins $1000.
I wake up every morning with the joy & excitement of wanting to go directly back to sleep.
To the woman that won the powerball ... "what`s up baby"
My mom always said that I`d never find a man dumb enough to marry me. Well, I showed her...
Just had workplace violence training. It`s like HR doesn`t even care about the first rule of fight club.
Today`s society is a good example of what happens when you let the clowns run the circus.
Just saw a coyote next to the highway. I hope this tunnel ahead isn`t just painted on.
Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place to have sex.
why would anyone want a baby? It`s just another thing you have to clean
Our brain took two billion years to evolve. Two billion trips around the Sun. All so humans can use it to look at kittens on the Internet.
Why do we even ask rhetorical questions?
In heaven, the Cheez-Its are salted on both sides.
I could actually watch golf on TV if Land Mines were involved.