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I just found out that checking your credit score actually LOWERS your credit rating. Seriously? That`s like every time you look in the mirror, you get a little bit uglier.
I’d be more motivated to work out if the stationary bikes had a little basket to hold my snacks and beer.
My method of going "offline" in FB chat is to simply ignore you.
When I see you in hell I`ll still ignore you
I feel like I`m not getting the full experience of a gas station bathroom if I don`t cut and dye my hair and change my identity.
If airports are so safe, why are the buildings called Terminal
It`s cute how my wife thinks I can read her mind when I can`t even dress the kids properly.
Everybody values honesty, until they have an ugly baby.
Fun: text a friend "Are you alone right now?" They go "Yes." Then u text back LOL
Dear Gangsta: If you pulled up your pants a little you could run from the cops faster.
When I was a kid, I told my parents I was going to make something of myself. I think they are getting impatient.
Relationships are like just-out-of-the-oven pizza. You know it`s going to burn you, but it looks so good and maybe this time it won`t?
When people ask me for advice, I tell them, “Use your best judgment,” which they clearly don’t have if they are asking me for advice.
So I met an Egyptian ... they walk just like us.
I didn’t get the job… heading home.. Good Bye Rome.. until we meet again.