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Happy people don`t take long showers.
I bet the guy made of money in the Gieco commercial doesn`t ever ride his motorcycle on Martin Luther King Blvd in any town.
Coffee...Meet your Maker!
Lottery gives you a 1 in 200M chance of skipping work tomorrow...alcohol is 1 in 5. You play your game...I`ll play mine
The lyrics for "hush little baby" are basically saying "I will buy you anything if you just shut the hell up"
Just about the time I started to give a crap, my attitude became constipated......
Blacking out when you’re drunk is god’s way of telling you that it’s none of your business what you do when you’re drunk.
Sometimes I just wish people were as easy to forget as PIN numbers.
I know it’s “cool” to make fun of celebrities, but the Bieber jokes need to stop. That’s somebody’s daughter.
I have a fear of speed bumps, but I`m slowly getting over it.
Good things come to those who wait. Better things come if you stop f*cking around and make sh!t happen.
Paying a homeless man to pee on your ex`s windshield, is just about the most fun you can have with 5 bucks.
I copied and pasted your pic of what you ate...and got MORE "likes" than you did. :P
i hate that the sun comes up so early
I may be too old to cut the mustard, but I can still cut the cheese.