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At least mosquitos are attracted to me.
Yes I`m still bitter about my name not being mentioned in "Mambo No. 5"
A sign on the wall of the drug store said, "Ask the pharmacist if you have questions." How would the pharmacist know if I have questions?
"Teeter Totter" is the silliest name for toddler catapults.
I have officially bought the first batch of Halloween candies that will not make it to Halloween.
The problem with kleptomaniacs is that they take things so literally.
I don`t care about your choice in politics, religion, or taste in music... I judge you simply based on football team preference
My wife and I decided not to have kids. The kids are taking it pretty hard.
I could of sworn my pillow`s a hairdreeser...coz I always wake up with the craziest hairstyles!! :D
I need to adjust the brightness settings for my future.
My buddy asked me the other night if he could crash on my couch. I had to explain to him that I`m married now and thats were I sleep...
Lessons learned from last night: There is no such thing as a goalie in darts
"You should`ve come with us!" well, inviting me would`ve helped..
believes saying "hi" with a big smile can brighten anyone´s day ... even those who give you the middle finger for cutting them off in traffic.
You`re annoying, but honestly, I`ve been annoyed by better.