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Akward Moment Is When Your Twin Sister Calls You Ugly(:
Is it ok to take a personal day if none of your pants fit? Asking for a friend.
´s status message is better than yours
If history repeats itself, I´m totally getting a dinosaur.
I`ve grown up a lot recently. For example, I used to drink beer all day and now I drink wine.
I just realized that when I murder someone my neighbors will describe me as "quiet"
I`m not the cat lady type. I`m more like an actual cat. I want affection when I want it and on my terms. The rest of the time I want to claw out your eyes and piss in your shoe.
It’s not real love unless you leave your phone in plain sight overnight.
Cheer Up. Right now, somebody, somewhere, is thinking about you naked.
I made you a cake. I also ate it for you.
That tenth doctor is a selfish idiot, he never recommends anything!
If you would`ve told me back in 1999 that we`d still be using animated gifs in 2015, I would`ve said "Wow, what a boring conversation"
People who think only god can judge them have obviously never hung out with my friends.
I spend my weekends farting in libraries and then shushing people that complain.
When I die, I’d like someone to keep updating my Facebook status, just to freak people out… “Hey, who knew they had Wi-Fi up here?”