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Didja ever get to know someone so well, that you wish you didn`t know them at all????
Hope I never go to jail, because I haven`t memorized a phone number since 2003.
I was about to read the story below. But it was too long.
All my childhood invisible friends are probably doctors and lawyers now.
When I see people jogging outside I like to drive behind them slowly blasting Eye of the Tiger for motivation.
I`m getting all dressed up. Have a feeling I might be on COPS tonight.
After listening to what some people have to say, I am rethinking the importance this whole freedom of speech thing.
The most amazing thing about the internet is how it allows you, with the click of a few buttons, to do absolutely nothing with your life.
When I was kid, I... No wait, I still do that.
Watching game shows is like watching porn, you get excited watching someone else get lucky
Face down, a$$ up ... that`s the way I tie my shoes.
I don`t like it here anymore. As soon as I find my pants, I`m leaving!
Played hide and seek today. I was winning until the cops let the K9 off of the leash.
I have no idea how I used to look for things in the dark before I had a cellphone.
A good thing about dating a vegan is that you could kill 2 birds with 1 stone, when you buy flowers because they`re also a snack for later.