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Before I had kids I never really reflected on life`s little mysteries. For example, why is my toothbrush under the couch?
You know you`re up really late at night when you turn on ESPN and 2 white guys are boxing!
Mad respect to people who can stop eating when they`re full.
If we agree, I`m probably being sarcastic ... Or I`m drunk
Half the lies they tell about me aren`t true
buying an old Mercedes Benz so that people may think you have been rich all along
No, whenever there`s trouble, YOU always seem to be around ... officer.
This weekend, a woman in colorado gave birth inside a Wal Mart. Apparently, its the first thing found in a Wal Mart not made in China.
I would unfriend you but I enjoy laughing at your life.
Just ran across a great dessert recipe...Cut up some bananas, apples & oranges in a bowl. Add fresh squeezed lime juice. Then toss it in the trash and eat a cheesecake.
Football: 22 people on the field desperately in need of rest and 75,000 in the stands desperately in need of exercise.
A Whoopee cushion filled with gravy adds a hilarious new dimension to a rather tiresome practical joke.
If people who shop at Walmart, “Save Money. Live Better.” Exactly how bad were these people living BEFORE Walmart?
Aaron Hernandez`s next jersey is going to be a jailhouse jumpsuit!
I automatically assume you`re fat if your Facebook picture is a car