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Teenage girls hang out in odd numbered groups because they literally can`t even.
someone took my mood ring away... dont know how i feel about it
My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance. We`ll see about that.
There are three kinds of people: Those who totally agree with my messages, those who kind of agree with me, and those locked in the trunk of my car.
When I see someone walking more than one dog I always think, "wow, that person must be really blind."
If kidnapping is a federal offense, then why is marriage legal?
I was reading that it takes the average man four minutes to have sex, and he’s asleep eight minutes after that. This sounds very dangerous, because by then most men are driving home.
If you spotted a white guy with headphones throwing gang signs on the subway today, that was just me listening to the soundtrack of Frozen.
I don’t think girls realize how handsome my mom says I am.
Taking your pants off is a good way to let someone know you feel comfortable in their home.
Dont freeze your Common sense in the process of being COOL.
Just found out my birthday is the same day I was born... Life is crazy...
Nothing says lazy like laying on the couch making today`s responsibilities tomorrow`s problem.
Actually, when I went to New Orleans, I blacked out too.
There`s no hiding it, my ex sucks at school... And in cars, alleys, and public restrooms...