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I`ll never have a kid as cool as the one my parents did…
If there is no chocolate in heaven...I AM NOT GOING!
The only time I want to hear about your baby is when you tell me it ain`t mine.
In a weird twist,,, The longer I stay at home,,, The more homeless I look.
This nude beach would be great!...if I wasn`t the only one participating.
Hi, im _____ but you could call me sexy.
If a bra is called an `Over the shoulder bolder holder,` then would you call men`s underwear `Under the butt nut hut?`
If I had a dollar for every time someone told me I`m cute, I would have 1 dollar ... thanks mom.
Mashed potatoes really beg the question: “what else could we massively improve by squashing the hell out of it?”
For you men who think a woman’s place is in the kitchen, remember… that’s where the knives are kept.
Laughter is not the best medicine. Laughter with large amounts of alcohol & wild crazy monkey sex - now that`s the best medicine.
You are more likely to be bitten by a person who believes they are a shark than an actual shark.
Today is boozeday, I mean Tuesday...same difference!
How long does it take to get obsessed?
Get Dora and Boots on this missing plane case now, Dora solves the case everytime