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Maybe early risers just aren’t as awesome at sleeping as I am.
All my childhood invisible friends are probably doctors and lawyers now.
Boobs are to men what laser pointers are to cats.
I tried being awesome today, but I was just so tired from being awesome yesterday.
Don`t just lay there... Move! Bounce! Do something!! ~ me, pleading with my hair
Freak people out in public restrooms by saying “come in” when they knock on the stall door.
The generation of today are so allergic to everything, future wars will be fought by throwing bags of peanuts and cat hair at each other.
Apparently typos only become visible to the human eye after you hit send.
For the record, you`ll need a turntable needle.
I`m fairly certain that kids only have ears for decorative purposes.
I’m dedicating this status update to all the status-less people out there. Stay strong.
From what I can piece together, this Pitbull character enjoys "partying"
Women say all men are dogs, but fail to realize that dogs are the most loyal creatures in the world if you treat them right.
Shoplifting may be wrong in a general sense, but what if, for example, I`m bored of paying for things