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Have you ever looked at your ex and wondered...WAS I drunk the whole time?
I wonder if "Sober Me" knows that "Drunk Me" can Breakdance?
One of the first things they tell you in AA is to stop hanging around alcoholics. So I listened, and never went back.
I don`t mind people sneezing in public. It`s that "Pre-sneeze face" they make that scares the hell out of me.
Unfortunately, showing that much cleavage doesn`t fix your face.
I can`t believe it`s been a year since I didn`t become a better person....
Sometimes I think of something so wrong and inappropriate that my little black heart skips a beat with delight.
If you`ve Liked more than 15 of my posts over the past year, I assume you`re okay with me putting you down as a personal reference on this job application, k?
Never mistake my silence for weakness. No one plans a murder out loud.
my boss told me to start the presentation with a joke,so I showed my payslip.
Never forget that we live in a world in which it is easier to get out of a marriage than a mobile-phone contract.
DIET TIP: don’t eat chips right out of the bag. Get out just enough to eat until the pizza guy gets there.
I`m a compulsive liar. Every thing I say is a lie. And that`s the truth.
I got a new marker today that smells like grapes. Thats why I`ve been so quiet.
Where is the button to restart summer?