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They call cat people crazy but they`re not the ones outside at 5AM putting fresh dog poop into little baggies.
If you hold out your arms like Frankenstein when walking in a leg brace, people let you cut in line at Starbucks.
I have no words to describe this day. I do however have a number of obscene gestures that would work.
Seriously, how can it be considered stealing when my neighbor’s WiFi signal was trespassing in MY house? I’m the victim here!!
I`m too lazy to be a stalker. You`ll have to come here. Bring coffee.
Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?
My wife said we could have a three way "when pigs fly" so I showed her a police helicopter.
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a flat tire.
Its O.K. to laugh during sex … just don’t point ! ... trust me
If these people don’t start giving better advice, I’m no longer going to allow them in my head.
I fart because it`s the only gas I can afford.
if truth is what u want...in return alcohol is all I want...
I`m afraid if I start working out, I`ll be too sexy
While it was raining today, I thought for fun I would run out there and scream "I`m melting I`m melting!"
Technically, every picture is a before picture.