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My girlfriend called me up and said "Come on over to my place. No one`s home!" I went over. No one was home.
Spiders are the only web developers that are happy to find bugs.
People should mute themselves on conference calls when they are crossing a battlefield and killing enemies to get to the next level.
I`m an outdoorsy kind of guy, I like to drink beer outdoors
I just peed so hard that I laughed a little.
I love water. Especially when it`s frozen and surrounded by vodka.
I wish more people would give me the silent treatment.
In case of fire, do not use the elevator. Use water...
You don’t truly know someone until you see how they react to their bag of chips getting stuck in a vending machine
No one ever reads the rules of Monopoly unless an argument breaks out.
I Like this quote. I dislike this quote. I am so clever that sometimes I don´t understand a single word of what I am saying.
I could snap at any moment. Seriously, with either hand.
If you still can read this, please inform me ASAP because I have probably blocked the wrong person!
When people say they work like a dog, I look at mine and think they must mean they just lay around all day and poop wherever they feel like.
If someone farts at a poker tournament, no one will ever know who did it.