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I just saw someone by themselves not looking at a phone. Hope they`re ok.
Not sure if this Adderall is working but I just made a pros and cons list about pros and cons lists.
There`s no point in using a big word, when an infinitesimally diminutive one will do.
If you want your team to win a sporting event just tell me. I will root for the other team. That will guarantee a win for your team.
If puppies could talk I would never even want to try and make human friends ever again.
I love water. Especially when it`s frozen and surrounded by vodka.
Let`s be honest, we all have someone on Facebook we wanna bang...with a pan.
Someone asked me how much love was worth and I couldn’t answer because alimony is calculated differently in each state.
My life has a great cast, but I can’t figure out the plot.
My dog’s ratio of digging holes in my yard to finding buried treasure is not where I’d like it to be.
I have just one thing to ask you people who say the memory is the first thing to go: What did I come in here for?
I use meditation and yoga to handle stress...Just kidding, I pop pills for that sh!t.
There`s no panic like trying to press "End" when you make an accidental call.
You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose, but you can`t flick your friends out the car window
Deja Vu: When God thinks something is so funny he has to rewind it to show it to his friends