Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`m not upset because it`s Monday, I`m upset because I have to wear pants
It only takes a second to show someone how you really feel about them... the cops call it indecent exposure, but whatever
Stumbled into bed late last night. "You`re drunk," she said. "Also, you live next door."
Maybe cologne should come with a two sprays a day lock on it.
Coffee : Starter fluid for the morning impaired.
If I had to choose between Star Wars and Star Trek, I`d probably choose vodka.
"I`ll let you know" = I need more time to come up with an excuse
I`ve been taking viagara for my sunburn........ It doesn`t cure it...... but it does keep the sheets off my legs at night.
I will die on a white floor just to mess with the chalk outline guy.
If by self-help you mean helping myself to all the liquor in your cabinet... Then yeah... I`m about as self-helpful as they come.
Studies show that if you begin a sentence with "studies show," the internet will believe you.
Due to the economic crisis and ever increasing price of food, the 5 second drop rule has now been increased to 10.
I´m not insensitive, I just don´t care.
Some people lack the ability to laugh at themselves ...That`s where I come in...
Organized people are just to lazy to look for things.