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Damn boy! Are you a slinky? Cause I wanna wanna push you down a flight of stairs, then kick you when you stop halfway to the bottom.
I don’t have bumper stickers because I don’t believe in anything strongly enough to potentially get my car keyed.
When I become president I will make Monday a part of the weekend.
I’m not shy, I’m holding back my awesomeness, so I don’t intimidate you..
Why was the cat in the bag in the first place?
I`m not judging you, I`m just trying to guess what medications you`re on.
The TV is so loud! But not quite loud enough to make me get up and get the remote.
I tried my best to see things from your point a view, but your point of view is stupid.
I`ve just realised that I`ve got one of those cool body types that can eat whatever I want and get fat.
Why isn`t there a roomba that cuts grass? Probably some stupid law about sending a blade wielding robot out into the neighborhood.
Dora the explorer.... Y U NO GET GPS?
I was just thinking…Then I thought “why?”... So there will be no more thinking today.
You know you are getting old when people start telling you how young you look.
Awkward moment when you just wanted a sugar daddy but becomes the First Lady of America!
If you see a girl or guy post pictures of their cat you know they`re single.