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If Facebook was school I swear we would all have perfect attendance.
"Fidget Spinners are so dumb pointless." -The generation that purchased over 5 million Pet Rocks.
This is the earliest I have ever been late.
Thanks for explaining the word "many" to me, it means a lot.
The best part of waking up is.....wait, I didn`t think this through entirely.
My exercise routine consists of doing diddly squats.
This morning, I was beaten up by a busty woman in an elevator. I was staring at her boobs when she said, “Would you please press 1?” So I did. I don’t remember much afterwards.
iPhone 6: For people who don`t mind holding an iPad up to their ear.
Day six of my push-up challenge. So far, I`ve eaten 107 push-up pops.
Do you think Santa regrets giving all those bad kids coal now that global warming is threatening his home?
I bet no one in Africa is allergic to gluten.
I make self-sabotage look like an art form.
I`m living in a drama-free bubble today. Respect the bubble, people, respect it!
I saw my ex getting beaten up by half a dozen thugs. For a second, I thought, "Should I help?" Then I thought, "No...6 should be enough."
Thursday doesn`t even count as a day, it`s just the thing that`s blocking friday.