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Do gun manuals have Trouble Shooting sections?
Let’s get naughty and save Santa the trip.
There were only 3 commandments until Moses’ wife got involved.
If you’re getting dirty looks because your baby is crying loudly on a plane, start crying even louder and everyone will avoid eye contact
I`ve learned to take life as it comes...straight with no chaser.....
I leave notes on people’s windshields telling them I smashed their car and did an amazing job fixing it.
Roses are red! violets are buckets. This poem makes no sense. Snot.
Some of the best moments in life are the ones you can’t tell anyone about.
It`s bad luck to be superstitious.
People who say watching golf on TV is boring have obviously never listened to golf on the radio
Nothing says "under the thumb" like a joint Facebook account
99% of people in this world are stupid, luckily I`m in the other 2%
If you can read this, you`re not having sex either.
My girlfriend is about to do this ice water bucket challenge. She don`t know yet though she`s still in bed
I just need someone to feed me and tell me I’m pretty.