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Funny how 8 glasses of water a day seems impossible, but 8 beers a day seems so easy
No I don`t think you`re stupid, I just think you have real bad luck when it comes to thinking
Dear Santa: My sister is the "naughty" one ... trust me.
I heard an ex got run down by a bus today. I thought "Wow, that could have been me!" But then, I can`t drive a bus..
I finally figured out why men love belly rings so much on their women. It reminds them of the staple in the middle of their porn magazines!
If you never set it, you always have the excuse, "I overslept because the alarm didn`t go off."
If the world dosen`t end on the 21st, I sure do have a lot of MREs to gift wrap.
There are a lot of side effects to smoking weed. Like never shutting up about the fact that you smoke weed.
I`ll make better mistakes tomorrow.
Geez....Why do they only make hand creams that smell feminine? Why can`t they they make one with a masculine scent? Something like Doritos or WD-40?
Starting tomorrow: Whatever Life throws at me… I’m gonna duck so it hits someone else.
On a scale from 0 to insane I`m batman
Lazy Rule: If you spill water, It will eventually dry.
What`s the point of a highschool reunion? I`ve got Facebook. I already know you got fat.
When there is nothing to do ... That`s what I do