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I noticed you stopped taking your meds. Can I have them?
I hate waking up all hungover, eyebrow shaved, and a d!ck drawn on my face ... Especially since I was drinking alone last night.
My father was never proud of me. One day he asked me, "How old are you?" I said, "I`m five." He said, "When I was your age I was six."
You can`t make everyone happy, so today I think you should focus on me.
Never take a laxative and a sleeping aid on the same night. dont ask me why.
Groundhog Day, Just walked outside and saw my shadow, It`s now official, Six more weeks of dieting :/
I try to live every day as though it were my last, and who wants to do laundry on the last day they’re alive?
To show my support for Breast Cancer Awareness Month, I`ll be giving free breast exams all month. Hit me up if you`re interested.
I do marathons ... on Netflix.
Why is it that the instant I buy new chap stick, the old one magically reappears?
F*ck It - My final thought before making decisions.
Don`t worry, some people are their own punishment in life.
I eat a whole pizza before I go to the gym, because a good workout begins with low self-esteem.
Pizza: Round food, cut into triangles and put into a square box.
There are 10 types of people in the world, Those that understand binary, and those who don`t.