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I just saw a hot mom at McDonalds spank her kid after he threw his fries on the ground, so I threw my fries on the ground too.
We live in the era of smartphones & stupid people
If a dentist makes money off people with unhealthy teeth, why should I trust a toothbrush that 4 out of 5 dentists recommend?
If someone says you used too much butter or cheese on something, stop talking to them. You don`t need that kind of negativity
Driving with your gas tank door open is the equivalent to having your zipper down.
I just want to read, have a snack, then take a nap. Basically, I just want to be in kindergarten again.
Apparently a good way to get asked to leave the gym is to move a treadmill behind a guy on a stationary bike and pretend you`re angrily chasing him.
So what the grass is greener on the other side of the fence. Their house paint is peeling.
The Never Ending Story should`ve been a movie about a phone call from my Mother
I Don’t answer text messages right when I get them so I don’t seem desperate. Then, I forget about them and never respond.
"I like your tree`s earring." ... "That`s a tire swing."
I think people who challenge me at Words With Friends are most impressed with my vast knowledge of three letter words.
Being normal is boring.
is clapping his hands and stomping his feet because he is happy and he knows it.
I told my kids to follow their hopes and dreams, as long as their hopes and dreams lead them out of my house when they`re 18.