Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I can not be held responsible for what my face does when you talk.
My girlfriend just threw away a bubble wrap without popping it. Just like that. I`m dating an animal :(
I try to avoid things that make me look fat, like scales, mirrors and photographs!
“It would take too long to explain…” Translated: “I have no idea how it works.”
Apparently, when asked by a Traffic Cop "Where you going in such a hurry?", "To your sister`s house!" is not considered respectful to a law enforcement official......
That awkward moment when you gently throw your phone onto your bed and it decides to Bounce of 3 walls, Knock over a lamp and kill a cat.
What do you mean this posting of the BBQ ribs you made is not an invite?
If someone tells you “it’s better than sex” they’re not doing the sex right.
Relationship status: sleeping in my bed diagonally.
500 recipes pinned to my Pinterest board. Eating a peanut butter & jelly sandwich.
So my kid secretly recorded me driving and singing and put it on social media if you needed to know how important birth control is today.
I`m not just living paycheck to paycheck. I`m living from paycheck to change jar to scrap aluminum to liquor store to paycheck.
Shopping at the Dollar Tree makes me feel rich and poor at the same time.
With my eyes. That`s how I roll.
That time Homer`s arms were stuck in a vending machine until he realized he could just let go is basically what all of life is like