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Why are people sad when potatoes can be cooked in like 200 ways?
I`m always surprised how quickly "you`re so funny" turns into "everything is a fcuking joke to you." (usually about 3 months)
I just realized that if we drink enough wine, the adult`s table will become the kid`s table.
It’s not the destination, it’s the journey. Except when you’re heading to the bathroom with explosive diarrhea.
Often I convince myself I enjoy the company of other humans. Then I spend time with them and remember I don`t.
You are wasting your time reading this status.
I do not gossip ... I pass things along ... It`s like a public service.
We have GPS that can navigate you across the country. Why can`t someone invent a device that can remind you why you went into a room?
If these people don’t start giving better advice, I’m no longer going to allow them in my head.
Quick Hide! Monday is Coming!!
I take so many things with a grain of salt that I`m surprised I don`t have high blood pressure.
Nothing says "I`m unemployed" like wishing for snow on Facebook.
My problem is that all food is comfort food
I wonder if monsters ever get scared that we might be hiding under their bed?
I was thinking about jumping on the Patriot`s Fan bandwagon, but I am afraid that the tires would be deflated...