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Maybe early risers just aren’t as awesome at sleeping as I am.
So how long before GoFundMe is our nation`s leading health care provider?
"This place needs to be sticky, wall to wall." - Every 2 year old with a Popsicle.
Go through a fast food drive thru. When they repeat your order back to you, say "And can I get that to go?" and enjoy the confused silence.
Just ordered a chicken and an egg off the internet to see which comes first. I`ll keep you posted.
The proper way to use a stress ball is to throw it at the last person to piss you off.
One thing I think the world can agree upon… Any day when you can stay in pajamas the whole time is a good day.
50 notifications later I regret ever commenting on your status.
Was late to my first Fight Club last night so missed the intro rules. Still, Fight Club was brilliant and I`d highly recommend Fight Club.
If you need me I`ll always be stuck behind the person who doesn`t know how to use the CVS self-checkout aisle.
To a musician, a g-string means something completely different than it does to me. .
If you see a girl or guy post pictures of their cat you know they`re single.
Don`t ask me what I did today, neither of us want to hear it out loud.
I dont have awkward moments I have "special" moments.e.g That "special" moment when my "special" ex learns that karma exist..
New parent: I can`t believe how awesome my baby is. 10 years later: Wow, they sure do grow up fast...10 years later: Seriously, get the f*ck out of my house!!