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Okay, calm down. Its a spider. Just one tiny litt- HOLY MOLY IT MOVED!
Finally 21 and now legally able to do things which i have been doing since 15….
If you want your team to win a sporting event just tell me. I will root for the other team. That will guarantee a win for your team.
I`ll bet other dogs must think that poodles belong to some weird religious cult.
Send a man to the store to get 5 items, he will come home with 4. Send a woman to the store to get 5 items she will come home with 54. Its science.
As long as there is an open textbook in front of you, nobody will question what you are doing on your laptop.
Why do people post pictures of missing people on facebook?...like we are going outside.
You can either agree with me, or you can be wrong.
I hate when its dark and your brain is all "you know what we haven`t thought about in a while ... demons."
What doesn`t kill you, makes you stronger... except for lions, lions will definitely kill you.
Women with big breasts... ...can get a taxi on the worst days ...have a neat place to carry spare change ...have always been the center of the arts (art) ...make jogging a spectator sport ...can keep a magazine dry while laying in the tub ...have more negotiating power (with men shorter than them) ...usually can find leftover popcorn after a movie ...can always carry a little extra ...always float better ...know where to look first for lost earrings ...rarely lack for a slow dance partner ...hav
I`m on my 5th coffee, just in case you`re wondering about the "other way" to get to Narnia .
It’s not what you wear; it’s how you take it off.
Me: "Sorry I`m late. Car trouble." Him: "What kind of car trouble?" Me: "It doesn`t go 200 miles an hour to compensate for my late start."
Volleyball is just a more intense game of "Don`t let the balloon touch the floor"