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Couples have an amount they can spend up to without discussing with each other. Mine is around $50. My wife`s is around $643.27. Apparently
As a child, you dream of adventure, travel & success. As an adult, a lot of the time, you just hope the toilet flushes.
Are you reading this from a toilet? I’m writing this from one.
60% of women fake orgasm.. 100% of men don`t give a sh*t about it..
Sometimes I worry that eating pizza isn`t a real sport.
Marriage is like playing Monopoly. It starts out as fun, gets a little boring, then someone steals money from the bank and no one ever wins.
So, when people say "LOLZ", does that mean they laughed themselves to sleep?
Life is like a box of chocolates. They never last as long for fat people.
Farting isn`t ladylike? Well, neither is giving a blowjob, but I have never heard you complaining about that!
Once a month, women go completely crazy for about thirty days.
My life is a very complicated drinking game
Dear Stomach: You`re bored, not hungry. Shut up.
One of the best ways to prepare for marriage is to wait 15 minutes in your car before going anywhere.
Don`t ask me what I did today, neither of us want to hear it out loud.
With my luck, I’ll die and get reincarnated as myself.