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I would call my fashion style: “clothes that still fit.”
I always say, "monring" instead of "good morning" because if it was a good morning, I`d still be in bed sleeping.
Never underestimate the power of a hug. Or a slap upside the head. Whatever works.
It`s great how you have legs that can take you away from a conversation when you don`t feel like listening to people anymore
Unless your kid’s fundraiser is selling booze, I want no part of it.
If I ask my dad to take a picture of me with my phone there is a 99% chance it will be a video of me yelling "It`s the button on the left!"
Guess what I saw today? Everything I looked at.
Since you no longer have a calendar I`d like to notify all the Mayans that it has been one year since the end of the world.
Of course you have a right to your own opinion. Just like I have a right to tell you to shove it up your a$$.
Car next to me in the liquor store parking lot has a family sticker. She has seven kids! ... I better get in there quick! She`s gonna buy it all.
You’ll never be as young as you are now.
A hot woman telling me about her boyfriend is like setting money on fire in front of a homeless person.
I want it all and I want it delivered.
I hate it when old people poke you at weddings and say you`re next. So I`ve started poking them at funerals
I sometimes get road rage just pushing a shopping cart though a grocery store!