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My therapist told me today that I need to stop talking to inanimate objects, but I mean he`s just a lamp so what does he really know anyway
If your lawyer has a ponytail, you`re going to jail
You know you`re addicted to your iphone when you start using your fingers to zoom into things on your laptop computer. Or a printed photo. Or a book. Or your watch.
I kind of feel like getting some work done today, so I’m just going to sit here until that feeling passes.
Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, you’re probably really hot.
Chase you? ... B!tch please, I don`t even chase my liquor.
Cake and pie can’t compete. If you put candles in a cake it’s birthday cake. Put candles in a pie and someone’s drunk in the kitchen.
I can make your gf scream louder than you can. - Spider
Do you ever think if people heard our conversations they`d lock us up?
A 15 year old took gold in the Olympics and then there is me whose greatest accomplishment is getting up to 10 on flappy bird.
I would tell you to go to he!! but all dogs go to heaven.
Who called them fake potatoes and not imitaters.
Ok everyone enough of your "family" time, come back to the internet. We are your real family.
My butt decided to go big instead of go home.
Yo fellas, how did that “wow” comment you left on that girls Facebook picture play out?