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Actually, The quickest way to fix that annoying noise in your car is ... Just open the door and push her out.
During Sex you burn as much calories as running 5 miles ... Who the f*ck runs 5 miles in 30 seconds.
I`m sorry I hurt your feelings. When I called you stupid, I really thought you already knew..
Cold? Try Netflix. You’ll still be cold, but you’ll be watching Netflix.
Ninja Mode is not a plausible excuse for not being seen at work.
Ten seconds of drug commercials are spent telling you what the drug is for and the rest is spent basically daring you to take it.
I`ve learned more from one season of "Shark tank", than I ever learned in four years of buisness school.
I’m not getting old. I’m becoming a classic.
As a matter of fact, the whole world does revolve around me.
It’s never too late for a coffee. After all it’s always morning somewhere in the world.
When I get a headache, I take 2 aspirins and keep away from children, just like the bottle says.
Personal trainer said we`re going to try some dips today. I brought hot salsa and tangy cheese...He hates me.
I know my limits. I don’t pay any attention to them, but I know them.
The older I get the better I used to be.
I got so much Crazy going on that the term "Bi-Polar" would be excessively underestimating my condition, let`s go with "Multi-Polar" from now on.........