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Ahhh another Monday at work...... I`m having as much fun as a colorblind person playing Twister!
The weekend went by and I don’t remember any of it. That’s a good thing right?
That moment you realize that the person who proofread Hitler`s speeches was indeed a Grammar Nazi.
Someday we’ll look back on all this and pretend not to remember it.
All I`m saying is why blame it on being lazy when you can blame it on being old?
I am the bestest at the English language...
The amount of alcohol I would need to sleep with you would actually kill me.
You can either agree with me, or you can be wrong.
Of course the Pilgrims had a lot to be thankful for, all their in-laws were back in Europe.
It`s all shits and giggles till someone giggles and shits
I want to sleep tighter
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
If pulled over, immediately ask the officer if they`ve been drinking in order to establish dominance.
Obviously the movie "the good wife" is not based on a true story. It`s fiction people.
Alarm clocks should come with sounds like "tiny doll feet scampering into the closet" because I am not hitting snooze when I hear that.