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I`m kind of clueless about pop culture. I thought "Hogwarts" was an STD
I told my psychiatrist that I`ve been hearing voices. He told me that I don`t have a psychiatrist.
Texting typos can change your life. "Having a great time wish you were her"
I`m more confused than a homeless person on house arrest.
I don`t have to run faster than the lion, I just have to run faster than you.
I am deleting my twitter right now! Not to seem paranoid but I think people are following me!
Do you think Santa regrets giving all those bad kids coal now that global warming is threatening his home?
Everything is a boomerang if you throw it upwards.
You trust me holding your child? Do you know how many iPhone screens I’ve cracked?
Last person to like this wins a prize.
I`m known all over the world for my exaggerations.
Sometimes I buy huge pants and take a picture of myself holding them up just to feel like I lost a ton of weight.
What`s Forrest Gump`s password? 1forest1
Procrastination: when "make a bucket list" is on your bucket list.
If you`re crazy and you know it shake your meds...