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I`ll act my age when I`m 69..
I was on way home this morning when I seen an AA van pulled in and the driver was crying his eyes out. I thought to myself that guy is heading for a breakdown.
Before I die I`m going to eat a bag of popcorn kernels. My cremation should be spectacular.
Dear Mother Nature, I would like to cancel my monthly subscription please… Urs Sincerely, 100% OF ALL WOMEN IN THE WORLD!
I hate when my mom tells people I`m 503 months old.
Really discouraging that there`s still bald people in sci fi movies.
Scientists are adding an extra second to the year 2015. Yeah. Here`s the bad news. You just wasted it reading this post.
I need an emoticon that’s stabbing another emoticon in the eye with a pen while repeatedly punching it in its little emoticon balls.
Improve your day by ordering coffee in the voice you use for your pets
My love is like a candle, If you forget about me, I`ll burn your frikin house down!
It’s called sarcasm, and it confuses stupid people.
i got a dig bick..........how many read that wrong
So I turned my phone onto " airplane mode" and threw it up into the air. Worst transformer ever!
I`m so in Debt, I could start a Government.
I`m trying to lose weight by eating carrots and bran muffins. It`s a fiber-optics diet.