Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I don`t smoke,i don`t drink,don`t do drugs. I only have one small problem, i lie.
Golf, except there`s no balls or clubs or anything, and you just drive around in a cart and drink.
It`s really quite simple ... I do what I want! ... The End.
Dear American Express, can you raise my debt ceiling?? Thx, bro.
is battling with eyelids
I always tell myself there is no such thing as a stupid question, but everyday someone tries to change my mind
I don`t understand why people have to "get ready" for bed....I`m always ready for bed.
I’ve never pretended to be anything I’m not…except for sober. I’ve pretended to be sober a few times.
I`d be so much more successful if some of my ancestors had just married better.
What do people mean "get ready for bed"? I am ALWAYS ready for bed.
"Well that can`t be right." - dogs watching us catching balls with our hands
Spiderman is just another guy who ends up with sticky hands and covered in white stuff after being on the web.
i like boobs
I`ve often wondered: Who the heck is Pete, and why do we do things for his sake?
Yesterday I saw something that reminded me of you. I almost stepped in it!