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Do you guys dance in the shower too? This morning I did the robot! (I short circuited and stared at the wall for 40 minutes, broken)
I could really go for a beer and a million dollars.
I only drank twice last week....Once for three days and once for four days
Sometimes I get nervous I haven`t done anything with my life. But then something good comes on TV, and I`m OK.
If you don`t think of 50 different ways to murder your boss every morning on your drive to work you`re probably the boss
Do one thing every day that scares you. Or one thing that scares other people.
“Shh.. Do you hear that?” “What? I heard nothing.” “Exactly, it’s the sound of no one caring.”
bored out of my mind in class i began staring into space... space happened to be right in front of me at the time...
At the start of every relationship many girls treat their boys as a GOD but later the alphabets are reversed
Sorry, when I said I have the stamina of an NBA player in bed I meant I take 10 timeouts in the final 2 minutes.
Only a fool trips on what`s behind him.
never realized how awkward it is to study the reproductive system in a coffee shop.. until now.
Life gave me onions ... Onionade sucks.
We can land a rover on an asteroid, but they can`t make a can of shaving cream that doesn`t spill 1/10th of it`s contents after every use.
Friending someone on Facebook and complaining about what they post is like phoning someone to tell them you don’t want to talk to them.