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I wish I could talk to donkeys so I could be known as the ass whisperer.
I love salad! Just wish it had the taste and texture of pizza.
My innocent look never works in the nude.
I`ll decide whether it`s a compliment or sexual harassment.
Nothing in the world is more expensive than a women who’s free for the weekend
I don’t think we can get through adulthood without a good sense of humor and a strong middle finger.
My "check engine" light came on while driving to work this morning. I looked and the engine is still there...silly light.
Why do they call a status a status if it already happened? I mean, shouldnt it be called History?
Guys, if you buy ANY woman clothing, & you don’t get her a size S with a gift receipt, you’re an a$$hole.
It`s hard to write a good drinking song. I can never make it past the first few bars.
Share this if you know someone who is alive today simply because you don`t want to go to prison.
I saw a comedian one time who did nothing but make geography puns. talk abbottabad act.
If there is such thing as a fake noodle, does that make it an impasta?
The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.