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I`m pretty sure if I put what was actually on my mind as my Facebook status, all my friends would delete me.
The 5 second rule for food dropped on the ground does not work if you have a 2 second dog.
I will never be to old to laugh when somone farts in a public bathroom peeing..
Who else`s favorite Spring time game is "Guess how deep that pothole really is."
Should vegetarians eat animal crackers? ;)
"Trust your gut" is terrible advice. How can I put trust in something that tells me to eat an entire pizza when I get drunk?
I woke up with a headache this morning but she went to work.
Tired of those Political Ads on television?...... You may be entitled to compensation.
Walmart made plans to hire 100,000 U.S. Veterans. Which can only mean one thing: Walmart is going to invade Costco.
Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen.
People who describe things as “better than sex” are having the wrong kind of sex.
I saw this homeless guy talking to himself and I was like, "Who is he talking to?" then I thought "Who am I talking to?"
Iwent to Office Max to buy a drawing board, but they were sold out. I guess it`s back to the....oh rats...
I bet if Jesus had turned water into Vodka. The Bible would`ve been a lot more interesting.
When ever I think about the past...It brings back so many memories