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I accidentally lit the wrong end of a cigarette-that can`t be healthy!
One of the most important things in life is perserverance. Hang on...perseveren...no, perserveer...pesever… oh, never mind.....
How does one get a nice body without moving?
only fights if pillows are present.
Please come see my theatrical dramatization of the history of puns ... It`s a play on words.
PRO TIP: If you see a woman crying, never ask if its because of her hair.
This fly in my car is going to be very disappointed when it ends up at Walmart.
Wearing my pajamas to Walmart. I don`t want to attract any attention.
I feel so lazy.. Lazy as the guy who created the Japanese flag
Scared the mailman today by going to the door completely naked. Not sure what scared him more, my naked body or that I knew where he lived.
Space heaters are the perfect housewarming gifts.
I just googled Magnum condoms and I swear I could hear Siri laughing.
I won employee of the month!!!…. again! I love being self employed.
The longer a Woman takes to get ready, the easier it is to piss her off.. it`s Science
Girls here`s an idea, instead of spending all that money on makeup. Just buy your guy a bottle of Jack Daniels.