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Is it hibernation time yet? Because I am 100% into that.
The only difference between fear and adventure is how much you breathe.
We can operate a robot on another planet, but yet I`m still struggling to get this vending machine to take my wrinkled dollar.
You can test my patience all you want, but Iām never going to pass.
Exercising can add years to your life. For example I jogged 4 miles today and now I feel like I`m 73.
You`ve never been truly drunk until you`ve had to use a barstool as a walker to get home.
I hope your day is as nice as your butt.
I`m always extra nice to the weird kid, so one day he`ll spare my life when he finally snaps.
$5.99 Trojan condoms or $19.99 Huggies diapers. Choose wisely...
When someone tells me I`m going to hell, I`m like "yeah, duh, I work there part time as a tour guide!"
Just saw the first duckface of Spring.
When I`m home alone and I walk into the basement, I start talking out loud about all the karate I know.
I can paint the house and buy new furniture and my kids won`t notice, but, buy a new phone case...
You win some, you lose some...unless you`re me, then you win them all.
"Huh?" (my thought for the day)