Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Just found some old sex coupons I got from an ex for my b-day. Any of you ladies take competitor`s coupons?
They call themselves independent women until furniture needs to be moved
Either I need to up my dosage or my income.
Pro tip: when you have a drug test and they tell you to go to the bathroom in the cup, that means PEE. Always.
I keep myself in good enough shape to outrun most women and children during emergencies.
My husband woke up this morning with a HUGE smile on his face. I love Sharpie markers.
If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck and looks like a duck then it could be a dragon doing a duck impersonation.
No one ever reads the rules of Monopoly unless an argument breaks out.
Gently placing your finger on someone’s lips and saying, “Shh, not another word,” is super romantic but cops don’t seem to think so.
Nice try blocked number, but I don`t even answer my phone when I know who`s calling.
At times I wish I had a clone, but then I realize, I could never live with that a$$hole.
I`m having an out of money experience.
Going to make pizza for dinner!! Ingredients Required: Phone, Menu & Credit Card.. Ohhh I can smell it cooking already!! ;)
Boyfriend: Why do you watch the Food Network it doesn’t make your cooking any better? Girlfriend: Why do you watch porn?
The weather is so nice. I think I’ll go outside and watch other people run.