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Jack Frost go away, come again another day. I need some sun, I need some sand, I need an island & a band. I`m bored with you & tired of the cold, so go away your getting old. Bring on the sun at one hundred degrees, some coconut oil & pina coladas please
Before I got married I didn`t even know there was a wrong way to put the milk back in the fridge
You have advice? For me? I have a $5 Starbucks gift card that`s older than you.
Life is tough. It’s even tougher if you’re stupid.
Mission Impossible: Ordering something at Subway without saying, "ummmm".
How many HA’s equal a LOL? How about a LMAO? Is there a conversion chart somewhere?
My "check engine" light came on while driving to work this morning. I looked and the engine is still there...silly light.
Waking up everyday seems a little excessive.
Waitress: `Do u have any questions about the menu?` Me: `What kind of font is this?`
You’re one of those women that my mom warned me about…Here’s my number.
Considering this is the land of the free, stuff is pretty damn expensive.
An important phone call is something that occurs when there`s no better excuse to ignore someone.
I just did some calculations and I`ve been able to determine that you`re full of sh!t.
I can`t seem to convince these dogs & cats that I don`t need their assistance in the bathroom.
Nothing is truly lost until your mom can`t find it.