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My neighbours were listening to some pretty cool music until the a$$holes asked me to turn it down.
It`s called instant messaging for a reason. ..if I wanted to wait a week for a reply, I`d of sent a bloody letter
I`m not saying not to trust the Internet, but there is an alarming discrepancy between the number of iPads I`ve won and the number of iPads I own.
I hope Karma smacks some people before I do.
It takes one slow walking person in the grocery store, to remove the illusion that I`m a nice person.
Stole a cart from this woman at Walmart today. I like to think of it as playing grand theft auto suburbs edition.
It`s bad luck to be superstitious.
I stay up late every night and realize it was a bad idea every morning.
Babies are so cute because none of them are mine.
Life Insurance: Let me get this right. I pay you until I die, then someone ELSE gets the money?
I’m sorry for what I said when I was hungry.
If your life ever seems boring just remember that you are on a rock floating in outer space.
We live in a time where "He is hot" is more important than "He is a nice guy."
Now if you’ll excuse me, tonight’s bad decisions aren’t going to make themselves.
Wondering if my heart is healthy enough for sex ... volunteers needed.