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I`ll drink enough for both of us, because I`m just a caring person.
I don´t like people who can´t make fun of themselves. It means more work for me.
Seems like Pizza Hut should be able to afford a house by now.
People who help you find what you are looking for in a liquor store should be called "Spirit Guides."
some people just need to be kicked... in the stomach... with steel toed boots
The only thing that makes me happy about the launch of a new model cell phone is that I can finally afford the previous model.
In a parallel universe calories are trying to burn people.
Please just put it in the fridge.... We`ll throw it away next week.
I can make your gf scream louder than you can. - Spider
If I ever win the lottery and someone asks me for money I`m going to give them a dollar and say "Here. Go play the Lottery. That`s what I did."
I don`t know about you....but I have thought about running away from home way more as an adult than I ever did as a kid.
I try to do all my pooping at work. Cause if you can get paid to poop, you`d be a fool not to.
Most difficult job ever.......Working in a bubble wrap factory......Imagine the self control needed.
I was chasing my dreams, but I tripped over reality and busted my head on the truth.
The race to get Dad a Christmas present usually ends in a tie.