Daily Silly Status

Sadly, I don`t think anyone has Wang Chunged once tonight... :(

Never wake a sleeping woman. Because then she´ll be awake.

I was born to make mistakes, not to fake perfection.

Step One: Always have a solid alibi.

I`m not an alcoholic I just have a lot of things to celebrate.

I`ve started an elimination diet, It`s where I eliminate anyone from my life who talks about their diet.

I like when google answers my stupid questions because it means I`m not the only one asking google stupid questions.

When I get to heaven, the first question I`m asking God is, why does my butt have more hair than my head?

My girlfriend asked me to send some dirty pics. So I sent her a picture of my sink full of dishes. :)

My girlfriend left a note on the fridge, "It`s not working. I cant take it anymore, I`m going to moms" I opened the fridge, the light came on, the beer was cold, WTF is she talking about?

"Everything else tastes like us. Why do we need to die?" -chickens

The only thing I love more than an open mind is an open bar.

Every time I`m not with my kid and someone asks me "Where`s the baby?" I just yell "Oh crap!" and run in the direction I came from.

Please ignore this status, I am standing alone and I don`t want to seem like a total loner, so I am making it look like I am texting

I saw some ducks practicing their teenage girl faces at the pond today.