Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I’m in a long distance relationship. Sure, some people refer to it as a restraining order, but still.
"Memory foam pillow fights". That`s one fight you`ll never forget.
When a woman says, "I`m NOT crazy" *clapping her palms together per syllable* That`s universal for, "You`re going to die."
"Lets all put our phones down and talk with each other.." - Someone who has run out of phone battery.
Hey, if it doesn`t work out, we can still be friends. Said no guy ever
decided to burn lots of calories today so I set a fat kid on fire!
Don`t hide your feelings. Hide the evidence.
ATTENTION: Upon further consideration, I am once again pushing back the debut of my summer beach bod. Thank you for your patience.
Why do they even offer 2014 as an option when selecting your birth date? Like you’re fresh out of the womb ready to join Gmail.
I`ve never been a fan of multi-tasking or quite frankly regular tasking.
A good way to mess with a jogger is to run up alongside him and say, "It`s okay, I think we lost him."
The police are taking me downtown for an interview and I didn`t even apply for the job.
I hope my liquor store is having an after Christmas sale!!
My wife asks me to remind her about stuff. That way if she forgets something, it`s my fault.
If it wasn`t for claustrophobia, lack of intelligence, and my intense fear of floating poop, I would`ve made a great astronaut.