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We`ve all been talking about your paranoia.
A handshake means something completely different to a cannibal.
Call me lazy, but if it takes two clicks Iām not reading it.
Sometimes, if you believe in something hard enough and deeply enough, nothing happens.
Soul mates are people with the mutual understanding that no one else will put up with their sh!t.
Iām going to start responding to videos people post of their babies on Facebook with videos of me getting nine hours of sleep.
Don`t do drugs. Become a Pop star and they give `em to you FOR FREE!
I`m sorry, all I hear is your perfume
The only charities I`ve donated money too recently are covered in glitter and dance to bad music.
Congratulations India on successfully orbiting a probe around Mars. I assume you`ll be opening call centers on the red planet and using fake Martian names now?
Call me old fashioned but I prefer women with eyebrows made out of hair.
Leaving the house on a Monday morning would be so much cooler if someone would yell "Aaaaand Action!" as I walk out the door.
Babies are really cute until you meet one that`s not a picture.
I lost 3 pounds over the weekend, but not to worry I found them lastnight at pizza hut
the only way I know something is bad for me is if I like it