Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
If it weren’t for law enforcement and physics, I would be unstoppable.
I can´t wait until Weight Watchers comes out with a beer.
I believe in magic because it`s the only way to explain how fitted sheets get folded.
Calm down mechanic guy. Just here for an oil change. If I wanted to know about all the other shit wrong with my car I`d turn the radio down.
Your secrets are safe with me, because I probably wasn’t listening to begin with.
Better ingredients. Better pizza. Horrible acting. Papa Johns.
Kids today are so coddled- Elf on the Shelf, Toy Story. In my day, if dolls magically came to life, they murdered you and everyone you loved
Checked my bank balance at the ATM and was happy to see I had 707 dollars in it until I realized I was holding the receipt upside down and it said LOL instead.
This day is going downhill faster than a wagon full of fat kids!
Girls are a lot like oceans, beautiful and deep, but once a month, it`s shark week.
I just went into an AOL chat room to ask someone how to start a fire with sticks.
Buy all your socks in one color - problem of the missing sock solved!
I had a bit of a lazy day sitting in my underwear looking for jobs online. My boss was furious.
Clearly if you have to blame yourself, you`re not hanging out with enough people.
thinks that 100-calorie packs have just enough cookies to piss me off!!