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Thinking about starting a line of realistic welcome mats with things like "Please don`t stay long!" or "I hope you brought booze."
Similarities between BRA and BAR 1. Both have similar letters 2. Both are drinking zones 3. When both opened men go crazy "prove me wrong"
Dear parents of college students on Spring Break, Congrats! Many of you are about to be grandparents!
Is life fair? Short answer, no. Long answer, nooooooo.
Heat causes things to expand, so I`m not fat; I`m just hot.
Everything happens for a reason. Sometimes the reason is that you`re ignorant and make bad decisions.
If the waitress in the One Bell Pub is reading this can we please have our pudding now, cheers
My mother suggested that I get professional help... and that`s when I hired my first hooker.
You don`t know broke until you`ve rinsed off a paper plate.
If you think your wife has a sense of humor, try leaving a trail of rose pedals leading to a sink full of dirty dishes
You know its going to be a b!tch of a day when you put your bra on backwards and it fits better.
I`m at my most popular when I just want to be alone.
It’s not a nap unless your face wakes up in a puddle of your own drool.
insert coin to view my status
I don`t even understand Fantasy Football. There are no Dragons, Wizards, or hot ass Elven chicks. I call bullsh!t.