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I wonder what “don’t touch” is in Braille....
I may or may not have just tried unlocking the wrong car for 15 minutes.
I’m giving co-workers the silent treatment by sending them blank emails.
I always confuse the words exotic and erotic. That made for a very awkward conversation at my local pet store.
Just bought myself a mistletoe belt buckle. Wish me luck.
I hope Karma smacks some people before I do.
I`m not totally useless. I can be used as a bad example.
If my body was a car, I`d trade it in for a newer model. Cause everytime I cough or sneeze, my radiator leeks and my exhaust backfires.
There is no evidence that exists that life should be taken seriously.
What I lack in good decisions, I make up for in inappropriate behavior.
Monday :`( Tuesday :-( Wednesday :- Thursday :-/ Friday :-| Saturday :-) Sunday B-)
I am a brilliant man, I just sometimes can`t remember where I parked my car.
Turns out a crash diet doesn`t mean having vodka with every meal and falling down the stairs at noon!
Due to the rising cost of ammunition I will no longer be able to provide a warning shot. Thanks for your understanding.
Hi, you`ve reached my voicemail. Why are you doing this?