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Bologna sandwiches are parents way of saying... it`s my legal obligation to feed you something.
I put the o in illiterate!
Girls think that having their period is the most inconvenient thing they can experience. They`ve obviously never dated a girl who was on her period.
Taking a nap is so risky. Like, when will I wake up? 30 minutes from now? 2 hours? 12 years? No one can be sure.
I consider my body less of a temple and more of a ruin.
The reason good men are hard to find is because they`re usually too busy working.
People ask me what my secret is to losing weight and I tell them not having money to buy food
I`ve started to make a fresh start in 2015, so if I owe you money, too bad.
Some people think I say inappropriate things...I perfer to think of it as being f*cking honest.
All alcohol will make my clothes fall off… tequila just makes that happen in public.
yelling at the referee that he made a mistake has never worked, No Referee has never turned around and said, "Why yes your are right silly me I did make a mistake, penalty denied, goal kick"
Shout out to the post office for delivering my recycling to me every day.
Spring cleaning: The term that gives us an excuse to only clean once a year.
If you smell Axe body spray on your lawyer,, you`re going to jail.
Fitness? More like, fitness whole pizza in my mouth.