Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Just once I`d like to yell, "Don`t you know who I am?!" because I`m important, not because I`m drunk and actually forgot.
I think my guardian angel drinks.
Everyday I’m shoveling. – Winter 2014
Is it too late to wrap myself up like a baby and drop myself off on a billionaire’s doorstep?
You know you`re getting old when bending over is a one-way trip.
I fart because it`s the only gas I can afford.
am updating my status just to let you know my status has no status
Drunk is when you feel sophisticated…but can’t pronounce it.
Hope you get down and funky on this the day of your birth!!
They`ve been farting with my facebook again. It`s like the old days when the the girl you woke up with wasn`t the one you went to bed with.
I dont think I could ever stab someone.. I barely can get the straw into a Capri Sun.
If da Vinci were alive today, the "Mona Lisa" would have been called "IMG-20121020-00463.jpg"
I will vote for Donald Trump just to hear him tell Obama he`s fired!!
My dog takes so long to sh!t I can`t believe he`s not out there playing Candy Crush.
Just got done putting up all the garage sale signs. Hope the neighbor appreciates how much work I put into their surprise garage sale.