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When I`m bored, nobody texts me. But as soon as I`m busy, BAM! ... still nobody texts me.
This Polo shirt as two buttoning options: Uptight Golf prick or disco chest hairs.
It’s like these fools at the gym have never seen someone with roller skates on the treadmill before.
Why am I single? Answer me. . . ANSWER ME YOU STUPID CATS!!!
Don`t tell me I have to say "Happy Holidays" so nobody gets offended. I will "Merry Christmas" the sh!t out of you.
In my defense, your honor, he had the keyboard clicking sound on his phone turned on
If you are stalking me, please keep up, I have a lot of errands today.
So far my bracket is perfect! I can`t wait to fill the rest of it in.
Guacamole is my favorite food that looks like someone already ate it.
I like dating chicks with kids, because fruity snacks
How am I supposed to get any work done with all this work I have to do?
Dudes get one chest or arm tattoo and suddenly forget to wear shirts.
Yes, my attitude could stand some improvement but my insurance does not cover those meds.
If a group of midgets performed the YMCA song, it is to be considered that they did it in lowercase?
If you eat something and no one sees you eat it, does it really have calories?