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A baby`s laughter is one of the most beautiful sounds you will ever hear, Unless it`s 3am. And you don`t have a baby, And you`re home alone.
I`m having fruit salad for dinner, well, it`s mostly grapes...crushed grapes ...ok, it`s wine, I`m having wine!
My therapist cries "Why me?" for the full hour.
You`d think the nerds on The Big Bang could fix that stupid elevator.
I told everyone at work that I have a twin so that when I see them in public I won`t have to talk to them.
If my "check engine" light would check my wallet, it would know there`s nothing I can do about it.
Facebook has suggested that I POKE you.
Maybe it`s inappropriate for the first date but if there`s a maze on the menu I`m asking for crayons.
Iād go to the gym but Iām still tinkering with the ultimate workout playlist I started three years ago.
Happy National hear fireworks all day and night set off by Drunk People you wouldn`t trust with a Glo-Stick Day.
Save water. Shower with me. ;)
Please, please don`t be a bitch to me. Because then I`ll have to be a bitch back and I can do it better than you.
Let`s be honest... Gay Divorce Court would be the best thing to happen to daytime TV in the history of ever.
My therapist says I`m a clueless, un-observant trainwreck. Which is weird because up until this moment, I never even knew he was a therapist.
I don`t like people who hate certain group of people. But I get along very well with people who hate everybody equally.