Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
5 years ago I asked the girl of my dreams out on a date, today I asked her to marry me ... She said no both times
With sufficient thrust, pigs fly just fine.
Honestly, I`m so awesome that I wish I could meet myself and get my own autograph.
I think there are great benefits in remaining strangers.
I hope someone drives slightly slower in front of you on a crowded highway and you can’t pass.
I paid attention to the construction signs and got in the correct lane. You ignored them for miles and now you want me to let you in. Not gonna happen.
According to science the atoms in my body contain the energy of 30 hydrogen bombs, and yet, not enough energy to get up early and go jogging.
I decided I really need to read more. I watch way to much TV ... So I turned on the subtitles.
I don`t get why people say "They were busting their ass"? Wasn`t it already cracked to begin with?
Never trust a married guys opinion of who’s hot. It’s like asking a starving guy what food tastes good.
*spits out animal cracker* This doesn`t even taste like hippo.
You think you have problems, I used a toothpick to get a toothpick out of my teeth this morning.
Trying to remain humble but I’m the most famous person in my living room right now.
Everybody reaches a point in their lives when they die.
All I need right now is a hug ... And five hundred thousand dollars in cash.