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Ya Know?!?......The number of ways I could care less...... is astounding!
I gotta ask you a sirius question....do you know the muffen man
For years I thought hitchhikers were just complimenting my driving.
You took the time to make your minivan look like a reindeer, but you can`t take one second to hit the turn signal an inch from your fingers?
The awkward moment when you set something down for a second and it disappears off the face of the earth.
I have Beer.
Every dog is a badass until you decide to vacuum.
I think "Don`t Kid Yourself" would be a great brand name for birth control pills....
“Grandbrother” sounds much cooler than uncle.
It’s pretty scary that before facebook… All these thoughts and stuff just stayed in peoples heads.
Life is like a p@nis. Simple, soft, straight, relaxed and hanging freely. Then women make it hard
My wife woke up with a HUGE smile on her face this morning. I love sharpies.
I`m getting tired of having to write "Sent from my iPhone" at the end of all my e-mails. Maybe I should just get an iPhone.
Some people are just pure evil...I should know because I`m one of them.
DOCTORS WRITING: "?? ?? ??." HOW I SEE IT: "?????." HOW THE PHARMACIST SEES IT: "Aspirin."