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All I`m saying is that the cheese grater wouldn`t have 4 sides if they wanted you to wash it after every use.
You know you`re getting older when your friends start using the term "Pregnant" instead of "Knocked Up"
I’m shy at first, but once I’m comfortable with you get ready for some crazy sh!t.
You’d think with as much time women spend looking at their ass in the mirror, they would be able to reverse into a parking spot.
I would leave my house a LOT more if I could take the couch with me and wear my pajamas.
The only thing worse than "the one that got away" is the one that won`t go away.
I just ate what I thought was a feta cheese crumble from my salad off my shirt. Turns out it was deodorant. So how`s your day going?
If you ever feel sad and blue, just remember that somewhere in the world, there`s a fat kid who just dropped his ice-cream.
I liked you a lot more before I met you.
I paid attention to the construction signs and got in the correct lane. You ignored them for miles and now you want me to let you in. Not gonna happen.
I’m starting to think we as a society may be trying to do too much with the Dorito.
I think you know you’ve got a problem when every letter of the alphabet triggers a porn bonanza in your address bar.
lifes a laugh, start living it!
If they made a movie of my life, it would just be a lot of scenes where I`m looking for something to wipe my hands on.
Why is it always the same person getting in your way from start to checkout at the grocery store?