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I bet Miley Cyrus is eating Twerky right now.
Ok advertisers, for the last time. I’m playing a game I downloaded for free. So, the fact that you chose to advertise here means your product is grossly overpriced…
You guys know that there are things higher than kites, right?
I don’t need a reason to enjoy a little wine. All I need is a glass.
Adulthood is like losing your mom in the grocery store for the rest of your life.
So far my Christmas shopping has involved buying myself presents, so I`d say it`s been a success.
“Hi I’m an evil ghost with the ability to defy time & space, but I think the best example of my powers will be to slightly close this door.”
I will not let people drive me crazy because I know it`s in walking distance.
A trail of clothes leading to my bedroom means that I dropped them on the way from the dryer
Whoever said "nothing is impossible" never tried to nail JELL-O to a tree.
Hooters does have hot girls, but the Subway girls are the real wife material.
If I`m guilty of anything it`s loving you too much. Oh and indecent exposure...I suppose trespassing too.
Milk Duds: When you want some candy but also crave a dislocated jaw
Duct tape can`t fix stupid, but it can muffle the sound.
"Because it would be hilarious,"... is probably not a good reason to elect someone to be president.