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How many people here have telekenetic powers? Raise my hand.
I love everyone these days... Some I love to be around, some I love to avoid, and others, I`d love to punch in the face...
Hey chicks that only post inspirational shit: we know you’re nuts.
If your significant other is mad at you, put a cape on them and say "Now you`re super mad!" If they laugh marry them.
Do you guys know there are "actual" people out there that don`t have a Facebook account? What the hell do they do all day?
If you are a turkey right now and someone offers to cut off your head, stuff you full of dressing, and cook you, do not do it. It is a trap.
If you piss off a girl, just play dead. That sh!t works with bears and they`re just as dangerous as angry women.
"Go left at the chopsticks in the road" - Chinese directions
More celebrities should donate blood. I mean, imagine having the blood of Will Smith running through your veins.
The world would be a better place if we all got along like the "Price is Right" audience.
I met a lady named Polly once. She didn`t care for crackers, nor my sense of humor.
I`d fight a bear for you. Well, not a grizzly or a brown bear. But maybe like a care bear. I`d fight one of those sonsabitches for you.
I`d hit that. - women drivers
Just when I think I`m over my insomnia the car behind me honks.
I smile because your my daughter. I laugh because there`s nothing you can do about it. ;)