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Girls become instant best friends when they find out they hate the same people.
I’ve probably wasted a solid year of my life just staring into the fridge.
I bet Waldo’s parents are worried sick.
"I really should buckle down and get my rap album going"-Me, every time I drink
I just apologized to my wife for something she did wrong. Marriage is fun.
u smile i smile u laugh i laugh u cry i`ll go get a bat and say who`s gonna get it
I`m glad I`ve got boobs. The last thing I need is people making eye contact with me
After I clear my browser history I do a quick google search for things like "feeding the hungry" and "How to thank a loving wife"
I always tell the person at the drive-thru that they are so much prettier than I pictured them when I was ordering.
I feel sorry for people who don`t have dogs. I hear they have to pick up food they drop on the floor.
Relationship Status: Very relieved socks can`t get pregnant.
Sometimes, I`m offended at how easily offended some people get.
Okay I`m going to workout. Should I post about it now or after I`m done?
You are like that one crazy wheel on a grocery cart.
You can’t run from your problems forever. Eventually, you’ll have to take a car or a plane to really avoid them.