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If zombies ever do attack just go to Costco, they have walls, years of food and supplies, and zombies can’t get in without a Costco membership.
Setting my coffee maker to `stun`
Sometimes you have to burn a few bridges, to stop the weirdos from following you.
Remember when double entry was an accounting term?
"And then I rented a monster truck and drove it through their f*cking house!" - How all my stories would end if I was a billionaire.
To drink, or not to drink?...what a stupid question!
"Wow, that Hungry Man TV dinner sure lives up to its name!" said no hungry man ever.
Camping is fun if you`re into pretending that you`re homeless.
Sometimes when I`m bored, I pick out a girl from my list of FB friends that I`ve never actually met and then go back on her timeline and like every single post she made in like 2009......That should freak her out a bit...
I once dated a girl with a parrot. The thing was crazy and never shut up! The parrot was cool though.
I’m starting to think we as a society may be trying to do too much with the Dorito.
Hey rumor has it, that if you look up from your phone you can see all kinds of pretty colors in the trees this time of year.
It would be so cool to be able to see an album of all the pictures you’ve accidentally photobombed in public.
dreams of a better world... where chickens can cross the road without having their motives questioned
Is it too early to start drinking? - some moron with a clock.