Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I`m an outdoorsy kind of guy, I like to drink beer outdoors
“I went to Jared” I whispered as she slowly opened the velvety box of Subway coupons.
Am I the only one who runs up on happy couples and yells, "How could you do this to me" and then runs off crying?
Age has its advantages. Too bad I can`t remember what they are.
Nice try, blocked number but I don`t even answer the phone for people I know.
FACT: The "sometimes you feel like a nut, sometimes you don`t" is not really a good defense in court
If I ran the country, things would be a lot better ... Well, for me anyway.
I love facebook... It`s the only place where I can talk to a wall and not look like an idiot...
Peppermint Schnapps, the mouthwash you can swallow
I might not be "Smarter Than a 5th Grader", but I can buy booze! Booyah!
The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
When life gives you lemons... all you need is tequila (and salt).
If only mosquitoes sucked fat, instead of blood.
I always put in a full eight hours at work. Spread out over the course of the week.
When reality kicks in… add more booze.