Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
I wish my mind had a delete button.
I feel like there’s something missing in my life and I don’t know if it’s a person, a dog, or just a pizza.
I like how adding a little OJ to a glass of champagne says “I’m classy” instead of “It’s nine in the morning and I have a drinking problem.”
The olympics is the only time when you hear "Great execution by North Korea" and it seems okay.
I can walk up to any dog, rub its belly and make a friend ... That trick rarely works on people.
My imaginary friend is bullying me.
The best time to reexamine your life is when you find yourself reluctantly nodding to the questions asked at the start of an infomercial.
Truth is, it’s not a “long story”… I’m just too damn lazy to explain it.
Be thankful your GPS doesn`t get PMS: “Fine! Turn whichever way you want! You never listen to me anyway!”
Remember when the scariest thing we had to deal with was computers forgetting what year it was
I`m a firm believer that if something takes 10 minutes to cook on 200 degrees then it should only take 5 minutes to cook on 400 degrees
I don’t call it laying down anymore, I call it landscape mode.
Sometimes I just bang my head on the keyboard and hope words form.
I bet kangaroos get drunk and find some ridiculous shit in their pouches in the morning.
I like to start my day by taking a shower, having some coffee and going online for 14-16 hours.