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" a fool and his money ----- are never around when you need a loan......"
I thought we had something. You met my family, made us dinner, called me honey. Now suddenly you’re a “waitress” who was “doing her job?”
Hey, somebody get ready to wake up the guy in Green Day.
Trail mix is just a reminder of how much better it would`ve been if I just ate a bag of M&M`s!
If Monday had a face... I`d punch it.
Remember kids, the Toys R Us bankruptcy and liquidation teaches us that poor spelling and grammar will always catch up with you eventually.
I don’t understand the point of lap-dancing clubs. If I wanted a woman to take all my money and sexually frustrate me, I’d stay at home with the wife.
Better ingredients. Better pizza. Horrible acting. Papa Johns.
I think all priuses are gay transformers living here on earth
I know it`s rude to ask someone about their pregnancy if you`re unsure, but my hubby looks about 4 months along & the suspense is killing me
Married sext: I`m not wearing any underwear, because you never put the f*cking laundry in the dryer like I asked you to 100 times
Seems like I can`t go anywhere in my house without somebody recognizing me.
Nothing is quite as scary as hearing your doorbell ring on the same night you made a blood sacrifice to the dark lord.
Just tried to put my seatbelt on ... at my desk ... I`m pretty.
It`s always the rednecks that know all the inner most conspiracies of the government.