Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
It`s called instant messaging for a reason. ..if I wanted to wait a week for a reply, I`d of sent a bloody letter
Sorry I got drunk and said and did everything I wanted to say and do.
Today I seek some truth and fulfilment but I’ll settle for some bacon.
What if there were no hypothetical questions?
What would I do if I won the lottery? Make Charlie Sheen look like an amateur.
I suspect the ancient Greeks would be horrified that we refer to `laying on a couch all weekend watching a TV series` as a "marathon"…
If alcohol kills millions of brain cells, how come it never killed the ones that made me want to drink?
Always check the height of nearby ceiling fans before giving a toddler a ride on your shoulders... * How I learned this rule is not important.
This police sketch artist has no idea that he`s about to draw me as the most bad ass Batman caricature ever.
Pointing out the food you just dropped on the floor to your dog because you`re too lazy to clean it.
This weekend, a woman in colorado gave birth inside a Wal Mart. Apparently, its the first thing found in a Wal Mart not made in China.
I`ll be back in five minutes. If I`m not, read this again :D
You`re always ahead of schedule when it comes to disappointing me.
Ain`t no sandwich when she`s gone.
Parenting tip: if you beat one child with the other child you can tell people they were just fighting. You`re welcome.