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I just saw a hot mom at McDonalds spank her kid after he threw his fries on the ground, so I threw my fries on the ground too.
Will be drunk until further notice.
My superpower is making people laugh ... Which would be great if I was trying to be funny
I wonder how many strangers have stories about me.
Ya, Wednesday sucks but… it could be Monday!
Sign: "No alcohol past this point." Translation: Bet you can`t chug this entire beer, right now.
Tomorrow, history will be made. Months and months of advertisements and anticipation has led up to this historic day. America will see firsthand what is surely to be a historic event, and I am proud to say I will do my part and pick up my copy of Halo 4.
Writing "Omg you guys are still friends after what she said about you???" on every group photo of girls I see on Instagram
I keep having this recurring nightmare that lasts 8 hours a day, Monday through Friday.
I can read Spanish, Chinese, Russian and Italian. As long as it`s written in english.
If its the thought that counts, then I`ve banged so many hot chicks.
Do transformers have health insurance or car insurance???
I have a dream that one day I won`t have to work on MLK Day.
You know you are meant to be when you high five after sex.
I`m honest, so when I say I took a "cat nap" that means that I slept for 18 hours and then pissed on your favorite shirt after I woke up.