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Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!

Just curious, when pirates use text, IM or twitter, do they used emoticons` like .) .P .D or .( or do they try to fool us by using the two eyed ones?
All I`m saying is one of us is right and the other one is you.
Every day is a struggle between wanting to lose weight and wanting to eat my weight in pizza.
Bipolar smile :(: ...... Gets um everytime !
Your gene pool should be drained, the area bleached & the ground burned & salted. But other than that you seem like a great person.
Walking past a new employee`s desk & yelling, "Do you think it`s a good idea to be surfing porn on your first day?" will never get old.
Thought of the day! Calling me a crazy bitch will only encourage me to prove you right...
Learn a lesson from your dog. No matter what life brings you, kick some grass over that crap and move on.
My life is much more fun and interesting when I`m single... Problem is I can`t remember any of it.
I didn`t break the rules. They were broken when I got here.
It`s ok to admit when you`re wrong. Just don`t tell anyone.
When your running down the street on fire, people will get out of your way
It`s a humbling moment when you realize your dog or cat has actually trained you to do something.
Funny how people get all angry when you break something of theirs that they don`t ever use. Like turn signals with a baseball bat.
Your secrets are safe with me! Odds are, I wasn’t even listening.