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Sometimes it`s nice to know karma is still a feisty little b!tch.
If you`re single and you know it hug your cat!
Know why a room full of married people looks so empty? There’s not a Single person in it…
Forget drugs and sex. Parents please talk to your kids about their grammar and spelling.
Bathtub` spelled backwards is still `bathtub`. It`s not, but for a second there, you believed me.
Christmas spirit? I`m proud to say I`ve got plenty of that. I`ve got rum, whiskey, gin, brandy, vodka and tequila.
I used to care what you thought of me, then I remembered what I thought of you.
All I`m saying is you don`t see many neck tattoos on Jeopardy.
People think that a girl`s dream is to find her perfect guy & be with him forever... That`s Crap! A girl`s dream is to eat without getting fat.
I can’t afford Disney World so we go to the biggest hill on my street and my kids wait an hour before I roll them down in my office chair.
I just went into an AOL chat room to ask someone how to start a fire with sticks.
My favorite part of a marathon is watching the reaction of runners who grab my plastic cup of vodka.
The person next to me just farted.. Does this mean my lungs are full of his poo particles -.-
Shouldn`t old people drive faster than everyone else since they have less time left to waste?
Drop it! Please, just DROP IT. - My dog, whenever I`m eating.